The Lawyer (boyXboy)

I'm a Little Nervous - Jack

I stand beside my bed, staring down at the row a meticulously placed items I've laid out for myself. Something to sleep in, something to wear tomorrow, a small travel kit of toiletries – shampoo, bodywash, deodorant, toothbrush, etc. – a box of condoms, lube...

The last two I'm not so sure about. Should I just bring one? Isn't a whole box a little overboard? I want to be prepared, obviously, but if Killian has the intentions of us having sex tonight, won't he already have all of this? I mean, it's not like we're teenagers, rendezvousing for a wild weekend behind our parent's backs. We're two grown adult men.

That's right! So, pull it together, and stop over thinking everything. I scold myself as I toss everything into the bag. It's better to be prepared then to show up with nothing.

With my bag packed, I strip out of what's left of my suit and head into the shower. Yet another area that allows for copious amounts of overthinking. Because I guess I should wash, right? Like, everything? Because if I get to Killian's, and we start getting into it, and I do end up bottoming tonight, I should be prepared. I should be clean enough that no matter what happens, the mood isn't gonna be ruined by me worrying.

***

"You came." Killian teases as he opens the door.

"Of course." I tell him, trying not to sound as nervous as I feel as I step inside and set my bag down while I remove my shoes and coat.

"I thought I might have scared you off." He teases as he shuts the door and takes my bag.

I laugh it off, but in truth, I almost did chicken out on the way over here.

"I got us some dinner from a little Italian place a few blocks over that I've been meaning to try. I just ordered something simple. Something I thought both of us would like. It's on the counter if you want to get started. I'm sure you're starving." He says; his voice fading a bit as he travels to the back of the apartment to drop my bag in his room.

I finish taking off my shoes and then head into the kitchen to check out dinner, my stomach already grumbling even at the mention of it. Then again, it is pretty late, and I didn't ever finish my lunch, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I'm so hungry.

"It smells good." I tell Killian as he strolls back into the kitchen to me popping the tops off of the aluminum bowls of simple spaghetti and meatballs.

He smiles, blushing a bit. "Yeah, well, I wanted to try to make up for the fiasco that was my own spaghetti attempt."

"It really wasn't that bad."

He chuckles and rolls his eyes. "Yeah, okay liar."

I put my hand over my chest in mock offence. "Me? I don't know how you could ever think a lawyer would lie."

"I know, totally unbelievable." he says, sticking a forkful of pasta into his mouth to hide his grin. "Do you want to sit on the couch?"

"Sure." I agree, since we're just standing at the counter and the table is still loaded with junk.

"I swear I'm gonna get that cleaned." He says, following my gaze to the table as he picks up his food and heads for the couch.

"Oh, I don't mind eating on the couch." I tell him as I take my seat. "It's actually kind of nice to sit somewhere comfortable after being in an office chair all day long."

"Wait, you work at a big fancy law office, and you don't have a comfortable chair?"

I chuckle. "Any chair will start to feel uncomfortable if you sit in it for long enough."

"Well, then I guess when this couch gets uncomfortable, we'll just have to move to the bedroom."

For the second time today, he makes me choke on my food. Not because I'm necessarily uncomfortable – I knew what I was getting into by agreeing to spend the night – but more so just because I'm from a different generation. A generation that wasn't so...straightforward with what they wanted, and I guess the candidness of Killian's youth can still fluster me.

Something Killian must easily be able to see judging by the way he stifles a laugh with another bite of food and tries very hard to hide the smugness in his smile.

In a way, I kind of feel like I'm back in high school again, with this whole preemptive plan to have sex tonight. Because I came here knowing what was gonna happen. That Killian wanted us to have sex. And because I know that, I just keep obsessing, and anticipating, stressing myself out wondering if we're gonna be compatible, and when it's gonna happen, and whether or not he's even gonna think I'm good at sex! Because maybe I'm not. I mean, I've slept with other men, and they all seemed...satisfied...but what if they were just trying to be nice?

"Jack?"

I look at him, momentarily pulled from my thoughts. He's set his food down and is looking at me concerned as if everything I've just been thinking about is written all over my face.

"You know we don't have to do anything if you're not ready, right? I know we talked the other day and you said you were fine with it, but sometimes people change their minds when they've had more time to think, so I just want to check in. I'm perfectly fine with you just spending the night with me and that being it if that's all you're comfortable with right now."

I feel myself instantly start to relax. "Am I that obvious?"

He smiles, giving me a little nudge. "A bit." He says. "That's why I wanted to make sure you knew there was no pressure."

I nod. "I know, and I'm alright if something does happen tonight, I think I'm just stressing myself with the idea that maybe I won't live up to your expectations."

Killian smiles patiently as he brings his leg up on the couch so he can face me. "Jack, I've got no expectations, okay? None. Sex isn't something I see as comparable between partners. All sex is good in its own way, it's just sometimes good in different ways with different people. So, stop stressing, alright? If we have sex and it's not perfect, then whatever, we just try something different next time, and the time after that, and the time after that until we find what works for us."

"You're really planning on me being that bad, are you?" I tease.

He laughs, rolling his eyes as he nudges me with his foot. "Eat your dinner."