Rain || Vhope

Secrets (3)

Hoseok POV
Tae and I had fallen asleep watching our favorite movies, he didn't want me sleeping on the floor in a makeshift bed, so I slept in the bed with him instead. It wasn't a bad thing at all, it was nice. I felt cared for here, I felt wanted, I felt alive for once. Minus the obvious markings from yesterday on my body, being in bed with him wasn't a bad thing at all.

I reached over him and sent over my streaks,hoping he'd wake soon. I laid there scrolling through social media and honesty at this point I said "fuck it"and went into his bathroom to get around. I grabbed my clothes, showered and dried my hair, sorry about that Tae is the only way I can keep it straight.

I felt so much comfort around Tae yet I still felt so broken. Am I worth it? Am I good enough? Do I deserve to be loved? Or am I just useless and deserved to be beat senselessly like yesterday. Maybe my dad was right. Maybe I am just worthless. I looked at my beaten, but less swollen face in the mirror. I looked at the bruises on my collar bones. Maybe I deserved this. This hate. I deserve pain. Tae how is someone like you so sweet to someone so utterly hopeless and broken? All these maybes and all these questions. I promised him. I promised him, I wouldn't. I like him, no I'm in love with him, I may sound crazy but I've fallen for him. I don't want to break his trust. At the same time I'm so utterly tempted by the demon inside me that I feel like is consuming me slowly day by day,Hour by hour,minute by minute, second by second...

I sighed and threw on the most basic makeup I knew. Wiping off the tears I had from my thoughts.

I walked out to see that Tae was awake,  probably from me drying my hair.
"Morning" I tried too say as happy as possible
"Good morning" He said, cheerfully. I smiled at his cheerfulness. "You don't look happy what's wrong Hobi" I walked over and sat next to him on his bed.

"I got lost in my thought is all" I said, placing a fake smile on my face.

"Hobi, I'll be here to support you, you can tell me anything, I don't care if I'm asleep like I just was. If you need to vent just tell me" he said, grabbing my hands.

"Thanks no one's ever -" I held back my tears "supported you like me"

"That's had to believe, Hobi, you're so sweet and not to mention handsome"  he said smiling and looking straight into my eyes
"T-thanks" I said, I could feel my face burning up from his compliment.

"Anytime, Hoseokie" He then got up, and for around. I waited for him to get around so we could be as down and eat breakfast of some sort. Hoseokie. I pulled out my phone and opened up Snapchat to see that my face was a bright red. Gosh I need to get it together, but how can I when this Tae complimented me And I have a huge ass crush on him?

I got up and grabbed my journal from my bag,I decided to write in it while Tae was showing and getting ready.

Your eyes sparkle like the moon. You comfort me like a blanket, and your smile shines bright, even on the darkest days. Even they make my darkest days a little brighter.

I heard the shower click off soon after I wrote that last sentence. I quickly hopped up and put my Journal away. I bet he'd think I'm a fool if he saw me writing in this!  Secrets, we all have secrets though.

I sat and played on my phone for about 5 minutes until he walked out, his light brown hair was still wet, but it was brushed. He was dressed and ready for breakfast downstairs, his mom's dinner was already amazing I couldn't wait for breakfast.

"Let's head downstairs I bet my mom made breakfast" Tae said with excitement. He was always full of joy, even when it came to the smallest of things. 
We Walked downstairs, and could smell a delightful smell of confetti pancakes. It reminded me of my childhood, when my mom would make these for my sister and me. I sat down at the table Next to Tae excitedly, to see that there was indeed confetti pancakes and bacon too. A good ass breakfast.