Self-Destruct

Chapter 4

"It feels like all eyes are on me
I'm over it,
I can't Handle it
So I self destruct"

Dana decided that she was going to take back her life. She knew her parents were going to make things hard on her but she could no longer handle the thought of living under the imprisonment of her fathers calling. God called him to this life so, why should hers have to stop. She was determined not to let the only source of solace and sanity slip through her fingers because her parents may not approve. 

So, after the service was over and everyone was conversing with one another Dana went to the front to the help shut down the music equipment. 

"Hey Desmond, do you need any help?"

"nah I'm cool, don't worry about it." He responded nonchalantly.

"Desmond, please don't do this." She pleaded trying to hold back tears. 

"Do what Dana? I told you I'm not trying to play games. You want to live your life based on what your parents want and I respect that. But, I can't do that anymore. I left home to avoid that. I'm sorry."

As Desmond turned to walk away Dana reach out and grabbed him and pulled him into a tight embrace. Such a small gesture went such a long way. Dana and Desmond rarely ever so much as made eye contact when the other church members were around in order to avoid potential judgement. To Dana the pain that would come from her not having Desmond in her life surpassed the fear of what her parents would say or do.

"So, I will see you tonight?" Desmond question staring into her hazel eyes bringing the hug to an end.

"Yeah, just text me the location and I will find a way to meet you there. No more games." She confidently stated while still maintaining eye contact. 

"No more games." Desmond repeated while they connected pinkies as a way to stand true to their commitment. And then they tightly embraced each other again.

"Alright now kids, leave room for Jesus."   Dana's grandmother said jokingly as she walked past them with a small grin on her face. And they looked at each and laughed.
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Dana paced her room trying to figure out how exactly she would leave the house without her parents suspecting anything. Leaving the house past 6 was a big no-no in her household. Unless you're going to church. She felt like a captive in her own house. She never truly got to enjoy her life because she was too busy living it for everyone else. She was tired of feeling like she had to be perfect, like she always had to have her life together. That feeling made her want to mess up. Made her want to make a mistake. To finally not care about what others thought about her. 

As she sat deep in her thoughts there was a knock on her door. 

"Come in"  She called out to whoever it was on the other side of the door. Then her parents walked in and stood in front of her. 

"Dana, we forgot to tell you we got invited to a concert tonight. There's supposed to be some good Christian artist there like Marvin Sapp, Fred Hammond, The Clark Sisters  and you know how much we love them. So get dressed we're heading out in half-an-hour.

At that moment Dana thought of the perfect way to sneak out without her parents knowing.

"Mom, Dad I'm actually not feeling well. Do you mind if I sit this one out."

"Oh baby what's wrong? You don't feel like you have a fever. Is it your stomach? Her mother said in a panic as she examined her. 

"I just have really bad headache and I feel a bit nauseous." Dana said trying her best to make it seem as if she is sick. 

"Well, you know what I always say...the best place to be when you feel sick is in the presence of God. Remember by his stripes we are healed." Dana's father responded.

 She internally rolled her eyes because it was typical of her father to dismiss her feelings and throw the Bible at her. Figuratively and literally.

"That's true dad but the Bible also says to use wisdom and I think the wise thing to do is get some rest." She knew her dad would go for anything as long as she could support it with the Bible. 

"Okay sweetheart, you're right. We're gonna get ready to head out. You will be home alone because your siblings are coming so, call us if you need anything at all and we will rush back." 

Dana nodded her head and they kissed her forehead and left out. 

"They literally just gave me the opening I needed to sneak out. It was almost too easy. Hey, God is good right." She said to her self as she began to get dressed.

 
Once Dana heard her family leave and watched them pull out of the drive way she texted Desmond so that he could come and pick her up. She was so excited to be going out. 

"Time to finally live my best life." Dana said as she walked out of the house and headed towards Desmond's car.