You woke up the next morning eyes swollen, body aching; you didn’t want to get up. You felt the warmth of Niall’s arms around you. You pushed him away. He woke up and you rolled over.
Niall rubbed your back: Hey babe….
You: Please just don’t...
You began sobbing into the pillow. Niall wrapped his arms around you.
You: NO NIALL JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.
He jumped back and got up to shut the door and left you alone. The whole day you spent crying and sleeping, but every time you’d go to sleep the same nightmare would come back…
Your dad was in the house as the orange flames flew around him. You kept screaming his name to get out but he couldn’t hear you.
You: AHHHHH!
You sat up drenched in sweat and tears… you laid back down but you felt your tonsils swelling and your tongue get a sour feeling to it. You held your mouth and ran to the bathroom. You kept vomiting non-stop. You lay on the bathroom floor.
You heard Niall walk in. You were covered in puke and drenched with sweat and tears; you didn’t flinch when he picked you up.
Niall: Can you stand up babe?
You nodded; you stood up as he took off your shirt and started the bath.
Niall: I’ll turn around and you get in.
You took off the rest of your clothes and got in the bubble bath.
You: Okay you can turn around…
He turned around and picked up your clothes, he walked over to you and kissed your forehead, and walked out.
You began sobbing again; you missed your dad so much it hurts. You heard someone in Niall’s room. It was Niall he walked in, put one of his tank tops on the counter and a pair of his basketball shorts. He started to walk out: Niall…
He turned around: Yeah?
You: Where are my mum and brother?
He walked back in and shut the toilet lid, and sat on it.
We haven’t seen your brother since this morning. He went on a walk, and your mum is downstairs calling family members.
Your eyes filled with tears, your father was gone…. he was really gone.
You: Niall please leave…
He got up and walked out. You sat in the tub for the next hour just staring at the tile wall. You felt empty; you looked over on the counter and saw Niall’s razor. You stood up and walked over to it… you took a good look at yourself in the mirror. You felt the razor pierce your wrist, blood fell to the ground. You kept cutting and cutting, you felt dizzy. You kept going till you couldn’t anymore. You lay down on the ground in a ball, rocking back and forth. You looked at your wrist and you felt sick again. You ran to the toilet and puked again.
You laid back in the tub your wrist was stinging but to you it made it better in a way. You held your breath and went underwater. Memories flooded back about your Dad teaching you how to swim when you were four.
You: Daddy, I’m scared.
Dad: Shelby remember fear is only something in your head. Believe in yourself.
You began paddling with the feel of your dad’s hands on your back. Then his hands went away.
Dad: You’re doing it Shelby you’re doing it! Don’t stop!
You giggled and swam all the way to shore. You felt your dad pick you up and swing you around: I’m so proud of you!
Reality: You felt pressure on your chest you swung your head up, you gasped for air and were choking.
*knock knock knock*
Niall: Babe?! Are you okay?!
You: Yeah I’m fine.
You finished washing yourself up and got out of the bath; you wrapped a towel around you. You opened the door: Uhm Niall?
He was laying on his bed on Twitter: Yeah babe?
You: Do you have any like super big band aids?
He got up and started walking towards you.
You: No I can get them myself!
Niall: No here let me help.
He opened the door and looked under the sink, he pulled up 3 different sizes in band aids… they weren’t big enough.
You shook your head and bit your lip: A bigger one.
He pitched his eyebrows together: I have a bandage wrap, what did you do?
You: Nothing it’s not a big deal.
He handed you the bandage wrap and you reached out for it trying to keep his eyes locked on yours, as he let go of it he looked down and saw your wrist. He glanced up at you with a pained look on his face.
Niall: Why?
He grabbed your face, you pushed him away: I need to get dressed.
He got up and walked out of the bathroom. You shut the door, you felt tears coming to your eyes but you forced them away.
You wrapped the bandage around your wrist; it seemed to go numb after awhile. You put on Niall’s shirt and basketball shorts and went back to the bed. Niall wasn’t there; he cleaned up the room and changed the sheets. You lay back down and stared blankly at the wall in front of you… How could you live without your dad? You just couldn’t…
You heard the door open around 6. You turned to see who it was, it was your brother. You sat up: You’re back?
John: and you’re still lying in bed?
You shrugged.
John: How are you doing squirt..?
You shrugged again.
John: Well say something.
You I have nothing to say...
He growled: Well I love you and dad loves you too.
You stood up: HE DID. NOT DOES. HE’S DEAD JOHNNY. DEAD. And it’s my entire fault.
You fell to the ground and started balling; John ran over to you and hugged you.
John: shhh shhh... It’s not your fault why do you think that?!
You: If I wasn’t over here being selfish and with Niall the whole day, maybe dad would have gotten out?! Maybe he wouldn’t have even gotten hurt. IT’S MY ENTIRE FAULT HE’S DEAD.
You hugged John tightly; he pulled away and grabbed your face: There is NO WAY you could’ve gotten him out. It was an explosion Shelby you would’ve been dead too. It is not your fault. Don’t you EVER think that?
John pulled you in and hugged you tightly. You kept sobbing and sobbing till you couldn’t anymore.
