I looked for her in the campus, but she's not here. She is not at the dorms and she doesn't answer when I call her. She isn't at Starbucks either. I begin to worry and then remember to go where I left her. I climb the stairs to the top and find her standing exactly where I left her, contemplating the view. When I said her name, she turned around surpised with a facetious look on her face which confused me.
- Why are you here? she asked laughing.
- I came back.. for you..
- Why? Do you enjoy my pain? You like to see me cry?
- What the hell are you talking about, Aylin? I came back because I couldn't stop thinking about you and it broke my heart to leave you.
- You think that because we kissed you're allowed to be here or because I've been pouring my heart to your compassionate, worried grin we are friends or something?
- I don't even wanna be friends with you, Aylin. I just want to be acknowledged by you. Why can't you comprehend that I care about you? And I am here because I care. Do you think I'd waste my time if I didn't ?
She stayed silent and turned around. I grabbed her shoulders and forced her to face me. I grabbed her chin and lifted it so that she would look me in the eyes. I look into her eyes for a few moments and then begin to sing to her :
As she mistakes my name I see the light come around
And strange as it seems I'm bursting at the seams
Oh I've got a woman now
Her wallet photos don't turn me on
I feel her hand come around
And her stone-wash denim jeans are darker than they seemed
Oh I've got a woman now
She said, "My name is Eileen, boy that's all you need"
Oh, and "this one's on the house I don't mind"
It all tastes the same
But boy there's something different about your mouth
You try chasing dreams, man it's harder than it seems
Oh I've got a woman now
Oh I've got a woman now..
She lookes confused and then I feel her whole body relaxing. When I finish, I grab her hand and kiss it and a strange light ignites her eyes.
- Why are you doing this? she asks.
- What?
- Being here, comforting me.. why don't you leave? Everyone leaves..
- What makes you think I am "everyone" ? Why is it so hard for you to believe that I actually care for you ?
I looked at her and saw her glossy eyes. She wanted to believe the words I said, but still, something inside of her told her she shouldn’t. She was searching for words, but her eyes already told me everything.
- Look, Zayn, you saw me in a very vulnerable state and I honestly don’t enjoy that at all. I deem that we could be friends and aquire interesting, mentionable experiences together, but if you promise to forget everything that happened today.
- … What the hell are you talking about, Aiyleen? Do you really have no idea who are you talking to? What’s with that choice of words ? And , dammit, did you memorise the whole phrase? Stop being such a brat and accept that I care. Fuck it, I care so much!
I am surprised by the way she talked to me and the way she immediately changed her expression into her usually one. Relaxed, not-giving-a-fuck face.
