You Had ONE Job

Five

Shinra called Izaya up first thing in the morning the next day. He wanted to know how everything turned out. Was Shizuo finally going to leave him alone? Was he going to stop getting into so many fights? "How did it go? Did you find him a girl? Is he no longer single? Did he at least fuck someone?" Shinra asked question after question. His voice was loud so Izaya held the phone away from his ear. He should've turned it on silent, not that he had gotten any sleep. 

Izaya refused to say anything. He was too busy trying to maintain the massive headache pounding in his ears. "He got laid," Izaya lied. They would've fucked, if you know, Shizuo wasn't such a Shizuo. "It might become a permanent thing in the future. You should be good."

"Well? Who is it? Give me the details!" Shinra asked, quite eager for the fruit of his labor. Not that he had actually done anything productive. 

"It's, uh," Izaya paused. Did he really want to tell Shinra this? The guy would flip out. He would go on a fudanshi rampage about how he always knew the truth about them. "It's me," Izaya said. Fuck it. What was the worst thing that could happen? The two didn't even fuck. 

"What?" 

"Me. I done fucked your #1 patient. You're welcome. Thanks for the payment. Goodbye, bitch," Izaya hung up and exhaled. He rubbed his forehead and stood up. The floor wasn't comfortable. He, no doubt, had bags under his eyes from having not slept. 

"What the fuck? Izaya?" Shinra looked at his phone. "Fucker hung up on me! Damnit! You bastard! I told you to be the wingman, not the date! You had one fucking job," Shinra rolled his eyes and threw the phone. Well, at least Shizuo won't be around for a while. That was a plus. Maybe he could go on a date with Celty. 

"We..." Shizuo began. Izaya mentally cursed. He didn't think Shizuo was awake. Izaya put on a traditional fake grin before turning around. 

"We made babies. So many," Izaya placed a hand on Shizuo's shoulder. "You might be pregnant." 

"Are you fucking with me?" Shizuo's eyebrows furrowed and he nearly bit his lip to keep from snapping. 

"No, God no, Me? Fucking with you?" Izaya grimaced. "It's not like that's my day-by-day job or anything," he tilted his head back and laughed. "But I might be fucking you. Do you remember anything about last night? All those positions I put you in?" 

"What are you talking about?" Shizuo's migraine started kicking in. He groaned and held his head. Hangovers were shit. He didn't remember a single thing about last night. 

Izaya sat on Shizuo's lap, straddling him, with his arms draped over the fake blonde's shoulders. "Do you want me to jog your memory?" he leaned in, so close to Shizuo's face that they were breathing the same air. 

"Is this a joke to you?" Shizuo asked. He didn't know if Izaya was telling the truth but he could see the bags underneath his eyes and the fact that they were both dealing with some major brain pain. It was likely they got drunk but didn't do anything. Izaya had to have been awake the entire night but not because of sex.

"No, darling, nothing is a joke to me," Izaya moved Shizuo's hair and put it behind his ears. "It's all just very entertaining. You confessed what you were really thinking a lot easier when you were drunk. What do you think you told me? Hm, Shizu-Chan? What do you think you said?"

Shizuo was afraid. He knew what was likely. He didn't want to admit that he'd confessed while completely out of his mind. "You said..." Izaya's lips grazed Shizuo's before he moved over to his ear. "That you hate my guts. You tried to kill me, at least three times, I didn't know you had it in you. But, apparently, our date night is over. It was fun while it lasted. We're back to being enemies. Isn't that sad?" Izaya got off of Shizuo and went to the bathroom. He turned his head to look at Shizuo one last time. "If you don't mind, please let me get some sleep. I'll sleep in the tub, but I need to sleep, okay? I'll be out of your hair soon." 

"Wait," Shizuo couldn't look Izaya in the eyes. He just stared at his hands. "Did I really...?" He looked terrified of himself as if he thought he was the monster Izaya had been telling him he was all of these years. 

"Don't let it get to you. Everyone and their cousin want to kill me," Izaya shrugged and closed the bathroom door. He crawled into the tub and sighed. It was uncomfortable, but he was really really tired. 

"Izaya?" Shizuo knocked on the door. "I'm sorry. I've tried really hard over the years to control my...anger issues. I'm sorry." Izaya could hear the sounds of sniffling and the thump of Shizuo hitting the ground. 

Izaya crawled out of the bathtub and opened the door. Shizuo fell backward. His head hit the floor but he didn't care. He had an arm covering his eyes. That wasn't enough to hide the tears. "Hey, Shizu-Chan, you don't have to be so apologetic...honestly..."

"But I hurt you. I always hurt you. Why? All I ever wanted to do was love you. I love you, Izaya. I don't hate you."

"You weren't just being drunk?" Izaya was shocked. His eyebrows raised. His mouth dropped a little. He saw a flash of anger in Shizuo's eyes. "Don't blow your top. I didn't lie because I was being a dick. Okay? I lied because I didn't..."

"You didn't what?" Shizuo stood up and grabbed Izaya's shirt. He pushed him into the wall and grit his teeth. 

"I didn't think you actually meant it! I thought it would be better if we went back to hating each other. I," Izaya clenched his fist. His eyes started to water. "I wanted..." His voice cracked. He put his hand over his mouth and looked away. 

"You want me to hate you?" Shizuo honestly didn't know what emotions were running through his head. His anger was gone the moment he saw Izaya this vulnerable. 

"No, I don't know, Shizu-Chan. You know what I am, you know what I do. Do you honestly think I have it in me to feel good emotions? I can't love anyone. I can't even be anyone. I'm just...well...I'm a fuckin' flea, aren't I? I'm a bane to human existence. I wasn't saying shit because I, well, I don't know. I'm hungover. You're hungover. I just want to take a nap. I can't think about anythi-" Shizuo kissed him. The kiss escalated. It was just what the two needed. A nice step in the right direction, or the wrong one, but hangovers needed to be relieved somehow. What better way to forget your pain than with a little comfort?