Not enough time left for me

My fault

Valories pov:
I feel like the worst mother in the world.

It hurt to see my little girl go through all of this. And I feel like it's my fault. I just wanted her to always be the healthy bouncing baby girl she was. And now here I am, having to put her on life support just to keep her alive. I closed my eyes and just prayed for a miracle, anything to make the guilt and pain on my shoulders go away.

"Im sorry I did this to you...but mommy will always no matter what..love you with all her heart..." I whispered as I took her hand and held it close while tears streamed down my cheeks

All I've wanted in my life is to watch my baby girl grow up and be happy. Yet she couldn't even have that. The one thing all mothers want is to see their little babies turn into strong independent people. And it's like she didn't even have a chance.

To go out and play, meet new friends and have play dates and sleep overs. Go to school and make more friends. And to just be a kid.

I feel like I failed to give that to my little Trixie.

Wiping some more tears from my face I looked at her sadly. Just barely there holding onto life. It's not fair that she has to go through so much pain and misery. It's not at all.

I remember just hearing the news like a big truck just slammed into me. And I didn't even find out until she was only eight. For why didn't anyone tell me sooner? Was it just too much to tell me right then in there?

All of these emotions that I built up from years ago are all coming back to me. This might be the end for my baby, and I don't want that. I worked too hard to have her and keep her here with me. I'm not giving up.

I softly ran my fingers through her beautiful golden blonde locks. It hurt me so much to watch her collapse into my arms and gasp for air as I held her tight to me. I tried not to panic but it's hard not to when it's your own daughter.

The worst part of is, I didn't want her to be in pain, so the other nurses said the only good option was to just put her in a medical coma until we figure something out. I sadly agreed and stayed by her side until she slowly went under.

God I'm just such an emotional mess at this point. The tears keep coming and all I can do is blame myself. I should've known from the signs of her getting weaker that something was going to happen. I shoved my face in my hands and let more tears fall, how can she even love me when I did this to her.

The door creaked open and I felt someone's hand slowly rub my back. I lifted my face from my hands and sniffed seeing Brenda giving me a sad smile.

"I'm sorry your going through so much Val...we just thought she would be able to last for a bit longer..." I sighed looking down watching my tears drop on the floor.

"It's alright...but what can I do really..it was so hard just looking at her with tears in her eyes saying that it was gonna be ok...but will it really..." I sniffed as she held me closer to her. I put my head on her shoulder just letting silent tears flow.

"I'm sure we can figure out something...and plus look on the bright side, she's up top on the donor list so I'm sure that something will come up..." she said rubbing my back more. I shrugged and wiped a couple more tears as I looked over at my baby again.

"If there's a donor...and it's her blood type and everything...I want you to tell the doctors to give it to her straight away...cause I can't bear to see my little Trixie like this..it was hard enough to see her before...and now it's like...she's not there.." I whispered feeling drained at this point.

"I know Val..just give it more time..." I heard a small beep and Brenda looked down at her scheduling device. She sighed getting up before giving me another smile.

"I'm sorry to leave so soon Val...but I'll come back on my break.." I nodded as she left and I was met with silence again, aside from the sounds of the machines and the small sniffles I let out now and then.

I scooted my chair back over to Trixies bed and sighed softly caressing the side of her face. At least through all of this she looked peaceful.

"I'm hoping you'll get better soon baby...just hold in there and before you know it you'll be here with me and Katya again...I know how you love her with all your heart.." I whispered before kissing her forehead.

I was a bit startled when the door opened so suddenly and Brenda was looking at me with a giant smile on her face.

"You won't believe what news I got for you!!" I raised a brow as she came over to me and took my hands excitedly, she even bounced a bit she was that excited.

"What is it Brenda? Are we getting a higher pay or something?" I joked giving out a flat laugh. She shook her head and held my hands tight before she spoke.

"Trixie finally has a donor! And if you want we can have the surgery tomorrow!!" I sat there stunned trying to process everything she just told me.

"Wait. Your joking? Oh my god your joking..." I said as she shook her head smiling more. I burst out into tears again, except this time they weren't tears of sadness, they were tears of joy.

"After so long my baby is gonna be normal! She's gonna come home with me! Oh my god! My prayers have been answered!!" I cried out as we hugged each other tightly.

I couldn't believe it all, after so many painful years of trying to keep my baby stable, she's finally gonna have her life back again. And I couldn't be happier for what's to come tomorrow...