The Designs We're Made Of (Mikayuu)

Chapter 12

Approximately four years later. Mika and Yuichiro at sixteen. Warning: there are mentions
to/descriptions of rape(technically), physical abuse, mental illnesses, and other possibly triggering content. This will go on for many of the upcoming chapters as well.
Yuu's POV
   It hurt. But at the same time it felt so good, which is why it hurt in the first place. My body loved it but my mind screamed at me to stop. I couldn't though; I was too scared of the consequences. Of him. The person who I thought was going to love and care for me. How wrong I was.
   The woman that I didn't even know the name of moaned under me. I wished I could cover my ears, but I couldn't. I had my eyes scrunched closed as tight as possible so I wouldn't have to see. I wanted to pretend that what was happening was not happening, and I didn't want to have to look at the woman under me. I hated this so much. It's awful.
It took everything in me not to cry. How much had I been forced to do this? Yet I still haven't been numbed to the pain, and I have to hold back tears. I tried to picture happy things, but the only thing that came to mind was Mika's smiling face. He'd probably be disgusted with me if he knew what I had to do.
   Even if he would hate me if he saw me now, I still longed to see him again. Maybe he could save me. He'd probably turn me away because I'm so impure now. Still, picturing his smile made me feel just slightly better. I both feared seeing him again and desperately wished to see him again. The idea of being with Mika again no matter how much he could despise me kept me going.
   After my session of hell ended, the lady left. I didn't even know her name or if I'd ever see her again in my life, but I still had to do those ungodly acts with her. I felt gross like there was an invisible slime coating my skin. Except in reality there was nothing. I stumbled over to the bathroom, not having enough strength to fully hold myself up.
   I stepped in and closed the door behind me. I leaned on the counter over the sink and simply stared into dead eyes looking back at me in the mirror. Then, my gaze fell to my empty left cheek. The place where a blue and red butterfly should lay. However, it was empty. The soulmate mark had shrunk so many times from false kisses that it had completely disappeared from my skin.
   The one thing I hated most as a child was now gone. You'd think I'd be happy, but in truth, it was the most agonizing thing to ever happen to me. And it's all because during my time in the orphanage, I had come to love that mark. I had come to love him. The mark on my cheek came to symbolize him, so how could I not love it? And now my one surviving physical reminder of him was gone.
   That's when the tears started. I couldn't bring myself to look at my reflection any longer, so I buried my face into my palms. Through sobs I muttered, "I'm sorry, Mika. I'm so, so sorry." Over and over and over again. Apologizing for everything I'd ever done wrong. Even though many were not my fault; I still apologized.
I eventually forced myself over to the shower; sobs still echoing off the walls. I turned it on and climbed in, not even blinking at the still cold temperature. I just stared at the drain, allowing the water to wash over my head. I wanted to scream and yell. I did, but I was too weak to. So I just stood there. I sobbed and sobbed. My vision began to blur to the point I had to use the wall for support. I leaned against it and sunk to the floor because of the pain.
   I rubbed my arms trying to get rid of the invisible substance that plagued me. Through desperation, it turned to scratching. My skin began to redden, and I forced myself to stop. Who knew what Saito would do to me if he found I'd drawn blood again. With a sigh, I grabbed the soap and began scrubbing. No matter how much I scrubbed, I knew the gross feeling wouldn't go away.

   I was heading towards the sitting room when the sounds of yelling floated out from it. I sprinted into the room to see Saito and my friend, Asuramaru. Saito was screaming at Asura who was cowering against the wall. I ran between them to protect my friend as Saito was raising hand. "Don't touch him!" I defended. Saito's face contorted in fury. His hand that had still been raise struck me on my cheek. It stung but it was nothing compared to other things he's done. He shouted, "It's none of your damn business! Stay out of it!"
My head had been turned to the side so I brought it back up and glared at Saito. He just continued yelling, "Your always in the way! That's why I hate teenagers like you! You never think!" He pushed me back into Asura before turning and beginning to stomp away. Asura and I toppled to the ground. Saito turned one last time to seethe, "If you didn't bring in so much money, you'd all be dead." With that, he unlocked the door to the only exit and left. A slam followed by a click sounded meaning the door relocked once it closed.
"Yuu, are you okay?" Asura frantically asked. I pushed myself up and simultaneously answered, "Yeah. You?" He followed me in standing up, nodding. "I'm okay." I led him, or maybe he led me, back to my room. We sat on the bed. I placed my head in my hands to wait for the pain to subside. He stayed silent waiting for me to regain my bearings.
God, I hated Saito. He was ruthless physically and mentally. Sometimes I wonder how we actually survive in this hellhole. I haven't even gone outside, or left this floor even, since I got here. Everything would be better if Mika were here with me. I had Asuramaru, but it wasn't the same. I would never wish this suffering upon Mika though, so at the same time I was glad he was somewhere far away.
With a sigh, I sat back up. "What did you do to set him off anyways?" I questioned. "He found the phone." He muttered while looking down at his feet. I straightened up in shock. "How?" "I don't know. I had hid it where it always was, but he just came storming into my room. He went straight for the mattress and pulled it out. I think someone may have tipped him off." I hummed, "Who do you think told?" He shook his head, "Saito's a bitch to everyone here, so really it could be anyone who wanted to get out of some sort of punishment. I just know it wasn't Mahiru, because she's the one who smuggled it in here for us in the first place."
   Before I came here, Mahiru had somehow obtained a smartphone and gave it to Asuramaru. When I became friends with him he shared it with me. We managed to hack into the place's WiFi to get access to the internet. It became our source of information and entertainment when it came to the outside world. The fact that it was taken by Saito made me seethe, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. I'm just glad I was able to protect Asura from his wrath.
Asura noticed my change it temperament. "I know, it sucks. We're  just going to have to live without. We can't ask Mahiru for a new one, because I'm sure she already is in danger from him finding the first one." I nodded. He looked at me with concern and once again asked, "Are you sure you're okay?" I sighed. Then, I told the biggest lie I've ever told. A lie that I constantly found myself saying over these past few years.
"I'm fine."
Whew! That took much longer than it probably should have as always. It's kinda short too, but I wanted it to end on that note, so oh well. Thank you for reading! See you next time!