whiskey withdrawal

miss you.

hey babes,

you deserve to know that i genuinely liked you. that doesn't happen often. i'm so goddamn stubborn that i will never ever admit it but i really liked you. in fact, i'm pretty sure i still like you. i know that you are probably super confused every time you talk to me because that's just how i am. when we first met, i was with someone else so i didn't take you seriously. the second time, i was hung up on an ex and wasn't willing to be vulnerable. after that i just let myself go numb and tried to protect myself from everything. i think about you a lot. i think about the times we spent together. i think about how you would play with my necklace every chance you got. i think about the smirk that appears on your face every time i said something stupid. i think about the circles you'd rub into my hand with your thumb. i think about how safe i felt laying in your arms. we still never spent enough time together. i feel like you really don't know the real me. all you know is that i like notre dame, i'm a rich bitch, and i'm always tired but everyone knows that. i feel like you never got to see the real me. you never got to see the spontaneous trips to target, the nights of alcohol poisoning, the tears of rage. and at the same, i feel like i never truly got to know you. i know you love superheroes, football, and family but that's about it. what else? what would you tell me if we were to sit in the back of your truck and just talk? what would i tell you? i really don't have a fucking clue. i tell all of my friends that i'm done, we're done but in my heart, i know that i don't want it to be over. i want to hug you again. i want to lay in your arms again. i want to make you laugh again. but i can't. i want to be with you but i just can't. i can't put my heart at risk. i can't put others at risk. i can't risk the mess that's bound to happen but it makes me want it even more. i always want what i can't have and you're not an exception. i just want to see you again.