Infatuated (Unedited)

Chapter 4

My whole way home from work was spent thinking about Nicolas. The more I tried to banish each and every thought of him I found myself doing it more. I felt as if I was being watched as I travelled the six blocks just to get home, pinned under the intense scrutiny of dangerously dark eyes. In every sound filling the early morning air after that I swear I heard his voice. It was to the point that I also saw his face every time I closed my eyes. But why? The conversation we had boiled down to being just a total of ten minutes or less yet the depth of his voice still rattled within my soul and the thickness of his accent chilled me. I can still feel his hand holding on to my hip tightly and the vigor in his kiss that I should be pissed about. I don't know him or where he's been but he kissed me and instead of being disgusted I have that moment on repeat like a song I can't get enough of.

Absently entering the graffiti covered elevator I pushed the fourth button to take me to my apartment and as usual, had to slam my fist into the collection of arrows and lines to get the doors to close. On most days the lift was out of order so I'm just thankful I don't have to walk those dreadful four flights with the ball of my foot burning and aching. "One, Two..." I counted each floor using anything I could to keep from going back to the thoughts of Nicolas including tracing the gang symbols with my eyes but as I reached the third floor I was back to questioning why I'd reacted the way I did with him. Had he been any other man, I would have not only flipped out on him for daring to kiss me but would have screamed for Dave. I should have screamed. Why didn't I scream?

Because you liked it. A voice in my head had me snorting rather unladylike. That's not the case! Can't be and I refuse to accept it. Who likes being called in so few words, a prostitute? Sure as hell not me! Who likes being forced into a kiss? Again, not me! Sure it was gentle and sensual despite the rough way he went about obtaining it but it was still forced. He took advantage of the situation and stole that kiss; caressed the tender flesh of neck and blew my mind with the skilled movements of his lips to make me comply and...

Damn I need to snap out of it!

The furious dinging of the elevator made me aware of the fact that I'd long since reached my floor. There were toys all over the hall as always with children running up and down it like it's not nearly two in the morning. Keeping my eyes forward I kept walking toward my own apartment paying no mind to my surroundings. I treat my building just like I treat my job and talk to no one aside from the people that I'm sure I can trust like Lou and Dave. Here it's my landlord Ms. Arnette; a little old lady that curses like a sailor. On rare occasions I exchange a few words with her son Stanley but very rarely. I don't like the way he looks at me but when it comes down to it, I rather deal with the weird stares than to be back outside sleeping on a bench with one eye literally open. As I entered my tiny apartment I dropped all my things at the door and headed straight for the shower with the intention of washing my stress of the day and remaining thoughts of Nicolas down the drain.

Doing that was easier said than done. The entire weekend I'd fall asleep telling myself I didn't want to see him again and wake up with a heavy weight on my chest as I had before the first time I ever saw him. Nicolas came with a challenge. He provided me with something new and different to look forward to. I've danced countless times for the usuals and it took no time at all to have them running back sitting front and center to see more of me. I set out to do that very thing to him and I got it. So why am I not contented? I got more out of it than I thought I would. He showed me a few of his own cards seducing me just as easily and now my head is stuck in the clouds--stuck on him. I could feel his eyes boring into me and hear him clearly as if he were next to me whispering into my ear. His smooth voice weakening me more by the minute as he speaks my name, rolling the "R" with a masculine purr then...ask my price. That sobered me. That shall always bring me back to reality. I don't know why I thought he was any different than the others but I need to remember that a man met in the club will never see as more than a plaything.