An Arranged Affair

chapter 21 -

Victorias POV

I ran as much as I walked away from the study.

What the hell just happened? I just wanted to give him some support and next thing I was in his lap and he was talking about being my boyfriend and lover and if Martha hadn't walked in would he have kissed me??

Did I want him to kiss me?

There were so many questions that were going through my mind, so many thoughts.

I couldn't stay in the mansion, all of a sudden its beautiful halls seem to be closing in on me. So I ran out of the house and into the gardens, walking along the manicured flower beds on perfectly maintained paths.

I was tempted to walk off the path and jump in the grass like I did when I was a kid, but I was afraid that I would leave footprint impressions in the perfect lawns.

This wasn't the plan, getting involved with him was never part of the plan, I was supposed to finish my degree, get a job and get the hell out of this place once the three years was up.

I couldn't get involved with Phillip.......could I?

I wanted to talk to Simmi desperately. She was the relationship guru. But with no phone I felt so cut off from the outside world.

And what about what his intentions were?

Did he really genuinely feel something for me or was I just part of an easy situation for him? I didn't want to come across as easy or cheap.

And I know its a marriage of convenience, but I didn't want to be just a convenience to the first man I would love.

I always hoped that the first man I would love would be the only man.

Or was I just something to get back at his mother with? She obviously didn't like me and I couldn't fathom why she chose me to get her son married to not some high maintenance Bollywood IT girl.

And what would my parents think?

All my life I had asked their permission for any major life decision such as which car to buy, which university to go to, hell, they had even chosen a stupid husband for me.

And all of a sudden I found myself waiting for someone's permission to say ' yes its ok to fall in love with the man you were married to.

Its ok to follow those impulsive feelings and be happy, even if it is assured to be short lived.

Its ok to entertain those dreams that keep you up at night, or wake you up in a cold sweat with the whisper of a forbidden kiss on your lips.

And its ok to want to have all those things in real life, for the rest of your life.

I didn't even know if I was willing to give myself permission to fall in love with him!

I don't know how long I had walked for, or where I had reached. I was just thankful when I spotted a cosy little garden chair under a willow tree and sat down, pulling my aching feet up to my knees. My ballet flats were still fairly new and not designed for long walks.

I was thirsty, very thirsty, exhausted and sweat dripped down my forehead. A month sleeping on the couch, however luxurious it might be, had worn me down and it was getting harder and harder to concentrate during the long lectures.

As I sat there, in the tranquillity of the garden, my mind wandered away, to my parents, to my old home, my old life, as well as Phillip, my feelings and the future.

Lost in my thoughts I didn't hear him come up to me, lost in a memory or a daydream, or asleep.

'I thought you might like this." He said handing me a bottle of water and I accepted it gladly, savouring the cool water as it passed down my throat, quenching my thirst.

' I have to admit, your pretty fit, its a long way you've come from the mansion. I had to use the CCTV system to find you!"

' You have cameras in your garden?"

' Its a big place and I have many valuable things in my house." He took my hand in his and squeezed it.

" Including you."

I was so shocked I could have fallen off the seat, but I turned and looked at him, searching his eyes for something, any hint of deception, but couldn't find anything.

' I don't know what to say, Phillip, I don't know how I feel about you, about this, everything over the past few weeks, its been so much to process you know?

One minute I am being married to an OCD control freak, make an enemy of your mother and a friend of your father, then you buy me clothes that are probably work more than all my worldly possessions combined, then we are rubbing shoulders with some of the most powerful and influential people in the city, I get propositioned by Sheela and then next minute you are saying you want to be my boyfriend!

Its just too much to process and I can't handle it at the moment, I can't handle anything to do with being an 'us' right now.

I just need some normalcy.

But most importantly I need to know I can trust you completely, not just for right now and not just for three years. I have so much more to lose if things go badly here. You can get up and dust everything off like it never happened. Me.....i don't know what will happen to me."

The words tumbled out of my mouth before my brain could process them, and I didn't regret any of them.

He was quiet for a while.

'I get it,' he said quietly. 'life has been pretty hectic since we married and I haven't been exactly trusting of you, so I don't deserve your trust back."

He got up and held out his hand for me and I put my hand in his, except instead of helping me up he pulled me into his chest and with one hand tiled my chin up towards him. His face was so close to mine, too close and I couldn't breath for a moment.

'I know I came on strong today, but I meant what I said. I have feelings for you Victoria, I have had feelings ever since I picked you up and placed you on my bed the very first night you came into my life. I am going to do what I can to prove to you that I am trustworthy, and then maybe, you might consider giving me a chance.

He looked down at my face and I felt a but teary listening to what he had to say. This whole things was perfect, almost straight out of a scene from a romance novel, but I noticed he frowned a little too hard.

' But first we are talking about our sleeping arrangements. You cant keep sleeping on the couch. You're tired, you look tired."

' The sofa is fine, honestly, unless you are giving me my own room?"

" Considering one of my staff has a loose mouth, lets not let the outside world think we have a less than perfect marriage shall we? And if you don't compromise about the couch I will have it removed."

' You could give me a sleeping bag on the floor? The carpets are ultra plush!"

He gave me a look that said I was dreaming and I sighed.

' Then what do you propose?"

" Sleep with me, in my bed."

' No chance, the last time we did that things got a little too close for my liking."

' If I remember correctly I think you liked it a lot." I gave him my best Medusa type stare and wouldn't have been if he turned into a stone statue.

"Ok, we'll put a barrier between us, down the middle of the bed. Deal?"

I nodded. A good nights sleep in a proper bed sounded really good, and a pillow barrier sounded like an ideal compromise right?

He smiled and took my had and led me to his golf buggy that was parked nearby.

' I've never given you a tour of the grounds have I?' he asked.

I shook my head and he smiled like a loon,

'ok, let me show you around." I laughed as he sped the buggy forward at full speed, which wasn't very fast at all, but for the first time, I felt relaxed around him ....and happy.