Famous Last Words

I Think They Never Liked You Anyway

We took a break, but it wasn't enough. There was always something in my peripheral vision. Or perhaps I should say, someone? I was never sure – it was frustrating.

"What's wrong, Mikey?" Ray asked kindly, reassuringly.

I wanted to answer; I could have answered but I wanted to be comfortable and there really was only one place.

"Can we go back to the library?" I asked.

I think, looking back, I almost pleaded. That's how I remembered it and the look on their faces suggested nothing less.

"You feel comfortable there?"

Ray asked the question, but the way he phrased it was almost like a statement. I just nodded and hoped they didn't mind too much.

Everyone downed their instruments in silence and we headed to the library and I took my place on the far left seat of the couch. I felt comfortable, I felt safe, but I also felt foolish. I'm a grown man. I have a house. I'm engaged. I shouldn't have to feel safe any more! But, and here's the sad part – I did. Here I was in this God forsaken house, this festering pit of torment and evil and yes, damn it, I needed to feel safe! It had already occurred to me that there was a very real chance of an argument. It was hard to tell from the silence whether they were concerned or angry. As always, the atmosphere, that always caused us all to struggle to feel cheerful, hung like a black cloud tormenting us with an ever present depressive mood.

"You feel better here?" Ray asked as he closed the door and took a seat next to me. Gerard remained standing; that wasn't a good sign. Frank and Bob took chairs from a reading desk near the window. Picking them up was no easy task, I could see from the look on their faces that they were very heavy. Soon enough everyone was where they wanted to be and they were, once again, all staring at me.

"You're staring," I muttered, my own gaze not moving from my knees.
"What's going on, Mikey?"

It was Gerard. My head rose quickly, stunned by the harshness in his tone, I could only stare back. I wanted to say something, but what? What could I possibly say? The words just wouldn't come.

"Gee," Ray sighed, "do you think, maybe...?"
"What?" My brother was snapping at him now and within seconds I would know why. "Don't protect him, Ray! I know, Mikey! Okay? I know!"
"W...what?" I stammered.
"You've been hitting the booze haven't you? And pills and God knows what else! Didn't you learn anything from my mistakes?"
"But, Gee..."
"Don't 'but, Gee' me! I know, Mikey, I saw you!"

Turning his back on me, he flopped down on the arm of the couch. It almost killed me to see him shaking his head in dismay. It would have been worse if I'd known then that there were tears in his eyes.

"You don't understand, Gee," I tried to explain. "It's the only way I can get through this."

I saw his shoulders shake, it could have been a laugh, it could have been a sob, I'll never know, but it was then he stood and turned to face me. I looked up to see his eyes almost burning through me, red and terrifying.

"No, Mikey, it'll take much more than that to get through this!"

His voice had dropped an octave and the words came out with a deep gravelly texture that was almost as scary as his eyes. It was only then, I realised that he wasn't the only one staring with those empty blood-red eyes and I was surrounded. Ray was on my right, Frank and Bob to my left and Gerard, now standing over me, his eyes wide, wild and threatening.

"No," I was shaking my head in sheer disbelief, "please, what's happening? What do you want? No!"

I was still screaming when I fell to my knees, landing heavily in the empty, dark corridor. With one hand, I tried to stop myself collapsing fully to the floor and with the other I wiped away the tears that streamed down my face.