Dear me,
Sometimes I am wondering if how many people in this planet can say that they know me.
I'm wondering if there is someone who can understand and see me beyond what I just wanted them to see. If there is someone who understand why I sing a certain song. If there is someone who understand what I truly means when I say a word. If there is someone who can read between the lines of my poetry and even my composed songs. I'm wondering if someone can understand how I deal my own pain. If there someone knows how I always crave for my time alone and my need of space.
Sometimes, I am wondering if there is.
But unfortunately, when I think about it, I am ending up realizing that that no one in my circle knows me. That no one in my circle can say that they know the 100% of me. Who knows everything about me.
This world finds me as independent, tough, and composed intellectual human being who can kick some ass if she wants too. Someone who will not bow down, someone who will fight and stand up for what she believes in and someone who can handles everything.
I admit, those are the traits that I portray throughout the years. That those are the traits and character that I want people to believe I possess. But I'm wondering if at some point did it ever crossed their minds that I keep that image because I hate people see the vulnerable side of me? How I wish not to be labeled as weak and unstable. How I hate people to find out that despite of everything that I managed to accomplish in life, there is a child that want to be comfort coz she's sad, lonely and broken.
I'm wondering if someone from my circle can see that. I'm wondering if there is someone who can look me into the eyes and find me. But I bet, that no one will ever know until I say so, or even if I do, they will just shrug it off and won't believe it.
And I guess, that's the sad part of my life and that is really svcks.
But still, I am hoping that despite of the high walls that I build around me, someone who will come along and break it and find me. Someone who will stay and make me realize that it's okay to be me and I can be whoever I want to be.
Coz that some understood the real me.
