Dear me,
I came across people who see me as opinionated, smart, compose, and confident human being. And honestly, it put me on a certain position that hinders me to be vulnerable. It holds me to be in a situation where I can be 100% me. And it gives me a certain feeling of fear that I can't make mistakes and fail.
And throughout the years, I tried to believe that I have to live with it. That I have embrace and accept it. But then along the way, I feel like I am losing myself from trying to subvert my real feelings and my real self. There was a certain point that I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.
And somehow, I feel bad that I silenced myself in the past because of the opinion other people around me. That I let them determine the person that I should be.
And I realized, I cannot be defined by those characters alone. That I have a thousand more character within myself that makes me, me. And most importantly, I can't let people deter who I am and who I should be. And what and who I like, and what I feel.
What learned is that, voices will never stop. People will keep telling you things either you do good or not, but it should never let it define you. And it should never let yourself forget who you truly you are. That you should never forget to allow yourself to be vulnerable, to feel sad and let yourself cry when you needed to.
It is nice that people believe and see that you have so much positive character but then, never forget the not so positive character that lies with you. Because those are the things that makes you stronger and better. Those are the things that mold you to have such positive character that people see in you.
And so, right now, I am in the process of working on absorbing and applying those learnings. I maybe, opinionated, smart, compose, and confident, but I know that I am shy and sensitive as well.
But those are the things that makes me, and so, I have to deal with it, coz I don't have plan to hold myself back. Coz I want to be the person that I am regardless of people's opinion.
