" 𝔦 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔞𝔯𝔪𝔦𝔢𝔰 "
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
Two lives have always commanded
the attention of the girl with auburn
hair. The past and the present blended
together to create a painful reality, one
...
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" it's the truth "
seraphina's view
ℑam no stranger to pain, though there are different types.
As guardians of the mortals, and descendants of the angel Raziel, shadowhunters are trained from birth to withstand physical pain. Sustaining a bite from a demon is what we refer to as 'Tuesday.' Our iratze runes help to heal that which can be seen on our skin, so we may continue to throw ourselves onto the blade out of a sense of duty.
As warriors, trained to follow orders and not question the Clave, shadowhunters are trained to ignore emotions as best we can. Emotions are distractions; they put us and those around us in danger. When in battle, we must be completely focused on the task at hand, nothing else.
I wasn't raised in an institute, surrounded by weapons and strict authoritarian figures. I was raised in a house full of light, with a loving family and stubborn parents. I was raised to learn how to harness my emotions, and use them as weapons sharper than anything I can carry. De contemptu omnium materia. Mind over matter.
I have known pain, both physical and psychiatric. Loss is a familiar, following me in every moment. It isolated me, motivated me to push everyone far away, so that it may have me to itself. It would stay with me forever, and even after. Loss was my strength and my weakness.
But I knew nothing of what Alec was feeling. I could see his love for Jace, hiding behind his eyes every time he glanced towards his parabatai. It was the type of love that hurt most of all, because it wasn't returned, at least, not in the same way.
It was unrequited love. Alec's suppressed love only grew by the minute, only encouraged by the jealousy Clary's presence provoked. I was almost surprised that the candle he held for Jace managed to flicker whilst being stifled by the rules set by the Clave.
Then again, I understood why he tried so hard to suppress it. It was one of the few things I could fathom about Alexander Lightwood. He kept the truth a secret for both himself and his family, just like I kept my secret for myself and my family. I carried the sole burden of the truth because if I didn't, people I cared about would die. Clary and Jocelyn would be in more danger than they already were, and I would surely be hunted until I was killed.
I glanced over towards Alec, biting down on my lower lip. It probably felt like the world was against him. I knew the feeling. "The main quarters of the institute should be empty, but you should keep watch while I grab us weapons." Alec said the first words since we left the cemetery, turning towards me as soon as we reached the back entrance door of the institute. I nodded briskly in a simple response, not daring to say anything.
