So Much More

the goddess worthy of a masterpiece

As I stood in front of my parents gravestones. Sober and slightly emotional. A plaid white shirt loose on me because all the weight I kept losing and the pants that barely held up with the belt I tied to the last hole around my waist.

"Mom, Dad, it's been a while...." I started off in a whisper, then I got louder as I confessed. Confessed to the sins that I committed. The things that I used to be so proud of. "I made a mistake. A real big mistake...."

I talked to them as if they would respond. Confessed as though they would scold. Asked for advice as if they could give.

For a while I sat there with them and rambled on about all the things I always held inside. Things I never gave myself the privilege to divulge into. I spoke of my fears, of the future unknown, of Jada; if they were proud of me or were they just as disappointment as Jada? I had a strong inkling it was towards the latter.

When some time passed and the skies darkened, and I felt the loneliness touch my skin. I stood up from the dirt and dusted off my pants. Spoke the last of my words, "I don't want to be afraid of these emotions anymore. The emotions I used to play on others because I was afraid to hurt myself. I want to love her. Oh, God, I want to love her, Mom. Just...if you and Dad could help lead her towards me....I promise I will never hurt her again. I'll only love her."

And when silence met my request, I took a deep and miserable sigh and nodded. "I'll visit you guys again sometime when I have time. I love you guys."

Then I turned and left. On the way to my car, I looked up and savored the soft sparkle of the stars that glistened; and the moon that turned it's shine on me. How beautiful, I thought as I got in the old, black Honda and drove home in my lonesome silence.

Home. I got out of my car and looked at the house that I spent a lot of lonely weeks in. It never looked more sadder than it did now. If only I could bring Jada back to this home; it wouldn't look so barren. And that's when it hit me, a wave of epiphany—Jada loved the galaxy. If I could bring the galaxy to this house, she'll come back home. She will. I was sure of it.

I knew what I had to do. I would call the contractor first thing in the morning.

By the early morning, I had the contractor on the line while I had a cup of coffee. Something I hadn't had in a while. "Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Yes, as soon as you can get here. Nope, nope. I'll trust your work. Thank you. Alright. I'll see you soon."

I hired an older gent. His name was Adam G. He was about forty-five and had rusty red hair and a big ole grey bread that looked like he could hide a toy truck in. A gigantic one. It was almost like Santa's beard. I noticed he must have quite the experience despite the brief amount of pictures he had on the profile online; I felt the sense of expertise just oozing. He had to be the right person and that belief only intensified when he arrived.

There was a certain light that looked to only glow on him.

I must be crazy, I thought and laughed. Invited him inside and we got straight to work. I showed him around the house, the details I needed, renovations. He listened intently, offered his advice when he could. By the end of the walk through, there was so much going to be happening and a pretty penny coming out of pocket.

But at least it was happening. That was one step closer to the right path in leading Jada back home.

"Thank you so much, Adam. Let me know when we can start this. The sooner, the better." I shook his hands and he nodded.

"I'll see the team we can get together and we'll get started as soon as then, Dion."

"Thanks again, Adam. I'll see you soon."