So Much More

the goddess' blessed surprise

It's been ten months since I've last seen and talked to Jada. It's been a really long and exhausting eight months. I finished working on that house I built for Jada with the help of Adam and his amazing crew and, also working on myself. On things that I never really realized I needed to improve on.

I've been going to therapy and I talk about things. About how cheating makes me feel. About how I ruined everything. About my parents. About the future that I never really put thought into. Things like that. I'm working through it and my therapist says that the important thing is moving forward and if I fall, I just need to get back on that track and I'll be just dandy.

Also a lot of my attention has been focusing on work and keeping up with the tenants of my buildings. I'm so busy that I don't even have time to think or even consider a new relationship. Especially now that I've invested in Adam and Joe and Cyn's having their own shop to share their expertise with the world. I'm of a silent partner of theirs. I provide money where I see beneficial and they provide results; we work well with each other.

That's how life has been. Normal and steady and calm enough. I certainly don't feel complete, but it's enough to keep me going on a path that I could accept.

Then I got the text message from Jada. She wanted to meet me. Here at Timmy's Cafe. Where I am currently sitting at and trying desperately to stop tugging at my tie. Why did I even wear a tie again?

"Dion." I knew that voice anywhere. Soft and sweet.

I turned to look at her and my breath caught in my throat. My mouth fell open in surprise. It was not that she was so beautiful that I lost my words; which she was and I should have been, but the surprise was because she wasn't alone.

"Jada." I stood up from my chair and gave her a brief surprised glance. I would have looked at her longer, enjoyed the tired wrinkles across her face that continued to glow, just much more warmer, softer. Or perhaps the messiness of her white hair pushed up into a bun. Or maybe even the disarray colours of her loose pink band t-shirt matched with tight black jeans down to her brown flats. I mean this is our first time seeing each other again. Till I heard a soft coo and I looked down at the sleeping little baby in her arms. "Is he....?"

"Can we sit down?" she interrupted, her arms moving in a side-to-side motion. All I could was nod and sit back down. Honestly I wasn't sure what was I supposed to do. I didn't know her routine. She laid the diaper bag at the side of her and the infant seat on top of the table on the inner side. Afterwards she slowly laid the baby in the seat and rocked him gently as she looked after him. "Is he yours? Yes, he is. His name is Luke Dion Waters."

"You named him....after me?" I looked at her and the baby in awe.

She kept her eyes on Luke and nodded slowly. "I did."

"I—thank you." I had no words. I hurt her, yet she named him after me. I appreciated that so much more than I could in words. "Do you want something to eat?"

"Coffee and gosh, a cheese burger will be so nice."

"Of course." I waved a waiter down and ordered. After he left, an awkward silence took place. So I took the time to admire her. The knots of her long heavenly hair pulled up into a messy bun. I haven't seen that in a while. Her slender neck peeking beneath the scarf wrapped around her shoulders. Her full attention was stuck on the baby, rocking him gently as he slept peacefully.

Or so I thought. "You really hurt me, Dion."

I sucked in a sharp breath. Ouch, that hurt. "I'm sorry," I whispered, very cautious and uneasy. I knew this conversation was coming. I just definitely didn't prepare as much as I should have to begin with. If I'm being entirely honest, I don't think there really is a way to prepare for this conversation.

"Sorry isn't enough," she scoffed. Then she sighed tiredly and rocked the baby again. "Well, sorry shouldn't be enough."

Was she trying to say—maybe—could I dare hope? "Are you—"

She threw me a hard and brief look. Her eyes warning me even if they weren't really looking at me. "Don't. I'm not going into this with you, and I don't necessary forgive you just yet. But these past few months being pregnant alone, having to deal with things on my own, getting my head together—figuring out what I truly wanted in life. I've come to the realization that I love you. I really do, Dion. And I probably always will. Especially now because of this little angel we created together."

"Bab—Jada." I gently grasped her other hand on top of the table. The small, petite hand that fit my own like a puzzle made just for me. "Are you....?"

"Like I said, not forgiving you. But I would like to restart as friends, co-parents," she said and looked down at our hands. "If it becomes more, then we'll get to that when it comes." Then she pulled her hand back from mine and held it out to me in a handshake instead. For the first time since sitting down with me, she made eye contact with me. Divine light grey eyes weary, yet warm and welcoming.

I've missed those eyes.

"Restart," I repeated, tasting the words on my tongue. There was a small bite of bitterness and impatience, but mostly relief hearing those come out of her mouth. Relief that she was giving me chance (whether she wanted to admit to that) and that in itself was so much more important than anything I could have ever wanted.

"Restart."

I almost laughed when she reiterated that back. There was no question that I would argue with that. If anything I was grateful and blessed for this chance. That belief only intensified when for a very short second, I saw the pain and sadness hiding in her grey eyes. The secret she kept hidden.

In that moment, I made a silent promise to me and to Jada and our little man, Luke. I will not take this chance for granted. I'll be a better man. For me, for her, for him, for the journey we were about to embark on.

This was the chance to change everything. A chance to change the past that haunted the both of us. No matter the time it would take for her to trust and love me again. I had the time and I was willing to put in the effort for however long it took.

I was ready. More than ready to love her and our sweet little baby.

I looked to our dark skinned little Luke and cooed softly at the handsome grey-eyed baby boy who quietly stared at me. Stoic faced. Stubborn, ain't you? I moved my hand on his soft, squishy little thighs and felt the surprise hit me hard when he wrapped his grubby little hands around my pinky finger. It almost felt like a pinky promise between him and I. I will love you and your mother forever. I will always treat you guys right. From this point on, I'll only be the best man and father I can be, little buddy. I know I'll make mistakes, but it will never anything like it was before. I love you, Luke. And I love your mother too.

Then he smiled as if he heard me and his eyes lit up in the purest of happiness. It was so much more than perfect. This was our little promise between men.

I looked at Jada in front of me with her hand out for a handshake. A small, gentle and friendly smile on her face. Asking for me to accept.

No questions about it. "I would love that." I returned the smile and took her hand in my free one and shake. Then without quite meaning to, we held hands like that for a while. One holding hers and the other holding Luke's.

To an outsider's perspective looking in, it was picturesque. A perfect date between new parents and their wee little babe at the side. But believe me in the inside of this impeccable picture, there is so much more. A mother who loves her child and the man before her, but is afraid to let her heart get hurt again, and a man accepting the new responsibilities of a father and the challenge to prove he is a good man now.

The future seemed bleak now, but months—years from now.

It will be so much more.

— THE END —