yin and yang (a badbunny fanfic / completed)

to have been

Benito's p.o.v
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I've read articles and watched videos about what people are like in a comatose stage. I've learned every person is different. All I felt was the wait in a white room. The only color I had were the memories that I projected. I heard her. Mí sol. Mí amor. I didn't have to see her to know how beautiful she looked. She talked to me. She cried to me. God, she sang to me. The gift she didn't know she had. What they tell you in the videos is how frustrating it is to be conscious of your surroundings but your body refuses to move.

It was a blind sleep paralysis and I couldn't wake up. I felt her hands. They held mine tightly everyday. I felt the wet nail polish dripping near my cuticles. She said it was blue like my favorite sneakers. She brought mamá and papá. They all laughed sometimes talking about me. That would be my legacy. If I were to die, remember me greatly. I was patient. I believed that I needed time and I would wake up. I felt her lips on mine. Was it a phantom smell? I swear I could smell the coconut chapstick she wore.

I hoped she didn't blame herself. She always did. I told her not to but she didn't listen. She couldn't hear me anyways. She told me about the news and how my fans were heartbroken. I missed them. I missed performing but ay díos mio..Raquelita. I missed her. I missed hearing her play. Then I started to miss her holding my hand here. I miss her letting me know it's okay. There was no one to tell her the same. She blamed herself for my position. I no longer smelled her coconut chapstick. She cried more than she talked.

"Mirame." I'd say, staring at the white wall knowing I couldn't see her and she couldn't hear me. It was a force of habit. She said she loved me over and over until one day she decided that leaving her words would be just as enough as loving me. Then I woke up. I was miserable. I was surrounded by people I loved and I was grateful to be alive but I needed her there. Whatever day it was. Whatever fucking year. I needed her. "¿Dónde está?" I asked as my friends and family grouped up.

I already knew. I just needed to hear it. "No sé, mí hijo." My mother said, holding my hand. I looked at the rest of them while they shook their heads and looked dumbfounded.

"I'm glad to have been loved by you, Benito." Her last words replaying in my mind.

I turned my head to the window licking my dry lips hoping I'd taste coconut.

Raquel's p.o.v
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After graduation, I helped Neveah move in with Marcus and moved back to California. It had been months since Benito was shot and in a coma. I never imagined he'd break my heart like anyone else. He broke my heart in such a selfless way. He saved me over and over. I couldn't stay. He needed his serenity. He needed a new beginning. I loved him enough to let him go.

It was hard to stray from the public eye but I haven't posted in months on anything and I refuse to tell anyone close to him where I am along with changing my number. I rented an apartment in Carlsbad which wasn't that far from home but still enough to not be recognized. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I felt that I needed to explore a little bit with the city and with myself. It didn't feel the same. I loved Benito so much. I wanted to do all of this with him. I planned so much. I never thought this would really happen. After settling in my cheap apartment, Benito went viral. Well, I guess I could just say Bad Bunny. He had finally woken up.

I knew he was going to right after I left. It was right for me to go so he could finally be at peace. I frequently thought about him. His touch, his words, everything. But I had to get over him someway somehow. This was for the both of us. To find ourselves. It hasn't been so bad lately. I've been writing more compositions and going to the beach everyday working as a lifeguard. My new roommate is very very gay and thrives off of almond milk and dick. But we've really clicked. Who's complaining?

Don't get me wrong, I've been following up on Benito. He's back in the studio and just really back to normal except he's been having a ton of scandals with girls. But it wasn't my place to do anything about it. I just hope he'll balance out for his baby. Every time I think of it, I think of us having a baby. It was completely unrealistic at this point but I can't help but to wonder who he or she would be. I left my post for lunch as I always did and dialed Benito. I never pressed the call button but it gave me comfort to see his contact photo again. He deserves so much. I'm sorry I couldn't give it to him.