(What if).. Books didn't have covers?

As a Writer

I LET OUT A TIRED SIGH. I quickly remove all of my clothes, down the remaining coffee in the mug, and jump into the shower. I wash the frustration out of my hair and calm my body for a while.

Once I'm sure all the warm water is done for, I dry myself and put on some fresh and crispy pair of pajamas and a comfortable baggy t-shirt and jump onto the couch. I open my silver laptop and as if all the weight is back again.

I've been trying to prepare the cover for my new chapbook, "Sea Full Of Stars," for the past three days now. I'm not a visual artist and hiring one cost too much, and I'm too broke to spend bills on software.

I know a couple of people who've reviewed my books and have always said to change the cover. Some of them even offered me to make the graphics for free. But is it just about a free cover, I ask myself.

I once asked my friend to design a very simplistic, artsy cover for me. He did make one and sent it to me. Although I did like it at first, I realised that the piece of clothing didn't really reflect what my book had to say.

I did not end up using his cover and he got mad at me. I kept telling him that it wasn't his work, it was about my preference. And it turned into a thing I never wanted to push this to.

So it's not about good cover or bad cover for me. It's about what story does my cover tell. Will the "illustrator" truly discern what my book has to say?

It's never easy being a writer. Writing itself can be such a lonely process, although it is my first home. But then I have to design a cover that is not only catchy, mysterious and unique but also conversely uninhibited. Great. I spend hours trying to find the right website that'll let me make one for free.

For a minute there, I sit back tired and almost defeated. What if books didn't have covers, I think to myself. I could've saved all this hassle and been sleeping on my lonely bed in peace. I'd be "Netflix and Chilling" on my phone. I'd probably have been writing something new.

But what about all the books I've read? I confess that I've also once trusted the image more than the not-so-convincing texts. The Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald with it's original art work is a stunning masterpiece. The eyes, the blue and the glam packed in it's dressing is an unbelievable turn on for any reader. But then again it wasn't designed by Fitzgerald himself. It was illustrated by Francis Cugat, a little known artist back then. It was the Gatsby that made me realise that it is an art to cover the book with a cape.

The same cannot be said for all the other books in my collection. Interpreter Of Maladies by Jhumpa Lahiri or Pablo Neruda's Love don't have the most convincing covers. I bought those books for the rave reviews I'd heard of them.

I do know that Rupi Kaur illustrated her own books. I get up and bring out all the poetry books that I own and try to fathom the making of their book art. The simplicity in Rupi's artwork is really appealing, but on the other hand Atticus's books look way too fancy. But the one thing they had in common is that their book covers were exactly what their book title said.

I too want my cover to reflect the idea and spirit of my book. But I don't know anyone who can design a book cover. Or who understands or reads my book or my art. I don't have my Francis Cugat.

I turn back to my computer, reducing it's brightness first because outside it's turning dark and I don't want to turn the light on just yet. I make a mental conversation with myself that if it doesn't work this time, I'll just use a template by Kindle Direct Publishing.

This time I go to YouTube and type 'how to make a paperback book cover for free' and hit Enter. The first video is of a middle-aged white man on the thumbnail, his hair slightly brown and a straight face. I click on it. The video starts demonstrating the process of making an easy to go book cover on this website called Canva.

I've used this app on my phone before but I never knew it could be used for making a paperback dress. I go to the site and follow all the instructions. I choose the image very mindfully, edit it, use the right fonts and change the colors. I do the same with the back cover and add a piece of poetry there. Then I keep following the instructions and after failing countless times, I make the perfect book cover for my latest collection.

I wipe the tears of joy slipping down my cheeks. I know I haven't made the best or make-you-pick-the-book-up kind of cover, but I'm happy.

I realise that I'm more happy because I could finally do something that fits the rules of the modern mass publishing world. I did something that will make people want to give me a look.

If it was upto me, I'd have the cover completely black or yellow and only bare my name and the name of the book. But that's not the case.

But then again, why don't all of the authors have their right on the cover art of "their own" book? A lot of them don't even get a say in their choices. It seems like a mother dressing up a four year old, into something he/she really dislikes but they have to live with it anyway.

I remember the very idea of writing this came through experience. I submitted my essay collection to this publisher in the UK. The publishing company was not a typical one. They charged money for all the things done to bring a book together, which included designing, editing and then distribution. They did everything but marketing and charged me £450.

I wasn't sure to go with it, even though I found the offer quite appealing. I then asked them if the price would reduce when I designed and edited the cover myself. The publisher said that due to their design guidelines, they wouldn't publish a book that someone else had designed.

All I could think of in that moment was, there goes my credibility as an artist. Even though I know that professionals will always create something more artistic and alluring than what I'll make, it was about interpreting the right story, the stories that my book tells.

I just smile with the fact that I made something that reflects the imagery or mood of my book. And I know that even with the exhausting role my cover will play, it won't ever gain the respect it deserves.

I go to bed hungry and drift off.