Divided

Five.

Janet

It's a different kind of pain, experiencing the loss of a parent. Seeing my other siblings due to these circumstances, I did not want to relive this moment. Truly speaking, I can't form any thoughts, nor emotions. My mother always taught myself, along my sisters to remain strong throughout life's situations.

I could not fathom the idea of burying my mother. I didn't want to accept it. The rage and anger I'm dealing with, I can't even speak to God. I've been taught that God is love. What kind of Man steals my peace and happiness? I thought He was a just individual? Our mother was a God-fearing woman, who served the Lord,

Everything I love, and ever loved is being taken away from me. This was maybe my form of punishment, ever since my situation. Or, maybe this was the universe out to get me from all the times I've fought my siblings and argued with my parents.

Packing up my belongings to head over to Whitney's home, a wave of emotions hit me all at once, causing me to have a panic attack. Trying my best to compose myself, the only person who could've calmed me down was my mother. Now she was gone.

My best friend and my mother dying was on the same level. I seek help by seeing professional therapists, trying to regain my old self back. I miss being kind and thoughtful, but depression overtook everything life had to offer. No man, no children, I felt extremely alone. Money couldn't seem to fill that void. This was now the time relocate closer to my loved ones, although I pushed both of my sisters away. They were happily living their lives with children, marriage, and successful careers.

Wiping the fallen tears, I grabbed my suitcase and entered the foyer of the living room. Entering the alarm code on the keypad, I grabbed Jazz along with me. The hour and a half drive was well worth it, as I tried to clear my head.

Turning up the radio's volume, For Your Glory by Tasha Cobbs played. This song definitely came at the right time. I grew up in church, but I just stopped going altogether. It was nothing against the people or the Pastor; feeling humiliated by my altercation, I couldn't go back. Eventually I want to go back but I'm not sure.

Parking in Whitney's driveway, I grabbed Jazz alongside my belongings. Shooting a quick text to my sister, within ten seconds the front door opened. Seeing Whitney's face I immediately collapsed into her arms, suffocating Jazz a little bit. I cried and I guess this was "therapeutic". Entering the living room area, I put my suitcase next to the fireplace.

Feeling Whitney staring at me, I gave a quick soft smile to her. It was like she wanted to say something to me, but couldn't get it out of her system.

"Jan, I know we're getting older and I just want everything that happened to be in the past. Life is short, literally and I missed my big sis." Whitney said. I missed my sisters and I caused a wedge between each relationship with them. She was absolutely right - life is short. I wanted to bond with both Toni and Whitney, and especially with my nieces and nephews.

"I know, and all is forgiven. I swear." Saying that caused a giant smile to appear on her face.
• • •

Hell is going to break loose next chapter 😚