Divided

Three.

Toni

It's the eleventh hour out of my twelve hour shift working at St. Walton Medical Center. For the past nine years, I've been fortunate to enough to be the chief nursing officer, which allows me to interact with every patient and their families.

While working these long and strenuous shifts, my main focuses are my husband and children. My husband, Alan, pushed me to go back to medical school. I took a year long break to raise our first child, our son, Keith. After his birth, I got pregnant two more times, with my son Zion, and daughter Dayna.

I didn't think Alan and I could manage; being newlyweds, having three children, while being in school for our future careers. Somehow we made it.

As I'm sitting in my office, looking over patients' files, a knock was made on the door. I usually hide in my office the last hour of my shift, but it never fails being bothered.

"Come in," Looking up, I see my daughter, Dayna, who volunteers on the weekends. Being in the same building with her, I don't get to see her as often as I'd like to.

"Hey mommy," she smiled at me. I'm not suppose to have favorites, but between Zion, Dayna, and Keith, I'd have to say that Dayna is my favorite child. She reminds me so much of Janet. Quiet, yet loving and kind. I tried to mend our sisterhood, but it's been gone for a couple of years. I assume life just happened, so we never get the chance to connect.

"Hey honey, you're done for the day?" Nodding her head, she looked on her iPhone while she was on some social media. Our schedules were in sync, so it'd be easier to drop and pick her up. I enjoyed her following into my footsteps. She's my only daughter, who is a good mixture of Alan and I.

"Is auntie Janet okay?" Dayna asked randomly. It was unusual to ask me questions regarding her aunt. She'd have a stronger bond with Whitney. Janet was to herself, and it sucks because I want to be there for her but she's not allowing it. Being the eldest, I started motherhood very early in a sense. I'm four years older than Janet, and six years older than Whitney.

I damn near raised my parents' heathen children. Whitney was the whiny child, who got her way because she was the baby. Meanwhile, Janet was the obedient child.

"CODE BLUE, CODE BLUE!" I heard a male voice say over the intercom. Getting annoyed with my peace being ruined, I kissed my daughter's cheek and left my office. Going to the emergency room, I saw EMTs who had a lady on the gurney.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"58 year old got hit by a drunk driver. Her heart rate is dropping drastically. We've tried to shock her, but it keeps getting lower." The female EMT explained.

Getting a better look at the patient, I realized she was my mother. Trying to put my feelings aside, I definitely couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that my mother was fighting for her life. I recited the Lord's Prayer in the back of my mind; memories filled my head as a little girl, I'd recite it with my parents every night before bedtime.

"Patient is bleeding internally, we've got to get her into the OR." The EMT stated. Immediately, they rushed my mother in the room, leaving me and my thoughts alone. I sobbed in my hands, really asking for God's unchanging miraculous ways to be done.

While saying more prayers, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Looking upward, I see the surgeon with an unreadable facial expression on his face.

"Toni, your mother suffered from internal bleeding. We've tried everything to save her, but she didn't make it. I'm very sorry." My world was truly breaking into two halves.

My life will never be the same.