Don't go (11th doctor who reader)

Don't leave I just got you back:4

*warning panic attack And suicide actions *

After eating the Doctor walked me back to my old room. I looked around and saw all the things I loved as a child and pictures of me and the Doctor. I closed the door and walked around the room touching all the thing the Doctor had got me from all the places he went. I reach out and touch each one feeling a smile start to spread on my face as it showed me the Doctor didn't forget me. I sit on the bed as I lay down I feel a lump in the bed; it was not a big one but I felt it, so I turned around and reach down and grab it under the bed. It was a black book. I ran my fingers along to over the cover as a tear slips down my face. I knew what this book was.... it was pictured writing and a very bad book of my parents beating me and my self-hate and abuse. I open the book and see my smaller body with cuts and busies all over it and writings of how much I hate myself and wishing God would let me die so I wouldn't deal with my parents and self-hate. Hot tears run down my face as I read all the words on the paper still thinking all those words were still true. I feel the self-hate start to claw its way up from the hole I tried putting it in. I pull out the knife that I had stashed in my bra and held it in my hand moving it. I open the blade and hold it in one hand as the other pulls up my sleeves, but the Tardis thrashes to the side and the blade clattered to the floor. I crawl over to it and pick it up. " Stop it!" I said looking up. I held the open blade to my arm. As I slid it across the skin thick red blood ran down the sides of my arms as more tears fell. More and more did I slid it across my wrist; the room started to be blurred as my tears filled them so fast. The door swung open and as I look up and see the Doctor freaking out with tears of his own running down his face. His voice going in and out,

" no......Y/n.........open........eyes.........stay......got........back......" he held my arms and ripped the cloth on his shirt on me and wrapped it around my arms. then it all went black.

The Doctors P.O.V

I run through the halls as the Tardis was trying to warn me of something my mind went straight to Y/n. I storm through her door and see her on the bed with blood down her arms. tears burn down my face as I run over ripping my shirt that was on her and start to wrap her arms holding them tightly  " NO! DONT GO! Y/N WAKE UP! LOOK AT ME! OPEN YOUR EYES! STAY WITH ME! DAMN IT! I JUST GOT YOU BACK!" I yell as she closes her eyes. I push on her open wounds and then breath heavily and use my regeneration to heal her arms. I see her arm look better not so deep and stop so I don't drain it all. I run and get the bandages and tape and wrap up the rest of her arms. Tears still burn my eyes as I see a black book next to her; I pick it up and read it a bit looking through it. The horrible images and words filling my head and after reading enough I get off the bed and throw the book out of anger. 

" GOD DAMNIT Y/N! WHY DIDNT YOU EVER TELL ME!" I yell at her sleeping body. I storm out of the room and into the kitchen I try to breathe but still had anger boil in my blood. I  shoved off the stuff off the counter and yell; then run my shaking hands through my hair. I feel the hot tear still sting my eyes as I cursed at myself for leaving her alone and for not knowing. After a few minutes of breathing, I get some control over my body. I walk in her room and sit next to her on the bed tears still running down my face, 

" y/n...." I manage to choke out. I reach out and grab her sleeping body and hold her close to me and feeling her heartbeat. I brush her hair,

 " goddamnit...... why didn't you tell me...... I could have helped...." I said as I held her closer  

" Y/n.... I love you damn it.......I-I love you Y/n Y/l....."I sobbed as I rocked her back and forth a bit with her in my arms. I lean down and kiss her head; then lay both of us down with her on top of me like before. 

" I am sorry I never saw it..." I mumble as I wrap my hand around her waist and my other hand intertwined in her hair playing with it feeling her small body fit perfectly into mine as she breathes softly. Tons of thoughts run through my head I look over at the picture of me holding Y/n her kissing my cheek playfully. Remembering that was when she wanted to stay over a bit longer. We had so much fun that night, staying up and talking eating and so much more.

Ok its short but hey I am posting it cuz I got nothing left for this part so see ya my timers!