My Black Girl Magic

To Whom It May Concern

My heart has been heavy for a while now so I guess its time to let it out. 

I've realized that the world isnt as cruel as some of us make it out to be. Its the selfish and heartless people who make it that way. The people who don't care how their actions affect the lives of others. 

The people who claim and brag about so much but are living in falsehoods. The people who claim to care and will be there for you, but only use you to advance themselves. 

I've been through a lot of things that have shown me that I can't trust, that I can't believe in who or what I used to believe in, that I need to be heartless and cold like everyone else is me. But something deep within my being won't allow me to do so. And Lord knows I want to know why. But I just can't. 

I've been hurt, betrayed, completely disgarded and made out to be someone that I am not and never plan on being, multiple times. But yet, everytime, after everything blows over, I am back to being kind, loving, generous and genuine to those who have be nothing but the opposite to me. Do I hold it against them? Never. Just not who I am.

Never do I play the victim card or tell people "you did this me" somehow, every single time I find a way or some small reason that will justify why they betrayed me. Even if all I ever did was be selfless, kind and genuine. I mean, if every single person, you ever put your trust into just gave you reason after reason that you couldn't trust them...it has to be something you're doing..right? Because people just don't use you, drain you and leave you ..right? They don't get your hopes for something real and leave you when they find something they think is better? They just don't forget your existence when they get new friends..right ? Of course they don't. 

And then when shit starts to go down and you start to think, "Okay, I understand the situation, but they HAVE to ask me my side, I haven't done anything to betray them yet, so why should I start now?" 

That thought is all well and good in theory, but you're wrong. They're going to assume the worst of you even though you've NEVER given them a reason to think that way about you before. That's just how the cookie crumbles. 

So the moral of the story is this: No matter how many people do you dirty for no reason at all, no matter how people leave you even though they promise that they never will, no matter how people use you and leave on the side of the road to put yourself back together, no mattter how many people treat you like you don't matter, and no matter how many people show you that you can't trust them, ALWAYS remember this: YOU WILL NOT BECOME THEM. You will not allow your hurt and disbelif and utter desire to make them hurt as much as you do, to turn you into someone you know you won't be proud of. You pull yourself back up, and put the pieces back together, no matter how times you think its impossible. 

You learn from every experience and you realize that all you have is yourself. The only person who will stand by you, the only person who will pick you up when you're down, and the only person you can rely on is you. The only person you can trust, believe in, and know for sure that will never lie to you or betray you is you. 

So stand tall, you need you. 

Sincerely, 

ME