Reality

(1)

02:46 am. That exact time my phone went off to a text message. It was from him, Leo. My boyfriend. I couldn't sleep that night because of our talk on the phone. It was blank and dull. It ended with me saying 'I love you' and it went silent for a whole 20 seconds until the silence was interrupted with the call ending. He was going to break up with me, I know it and that's why I didn't want to look at the text message. Eventually, I slowly leaned over my bed and grabbed my phone as I slightly read the first couple of lines of his text... ''Listen Charity, the reason I never said I love you back is because it pains me to lie to you. Our relationship is-''. My heart started to race as I anxiously laughed. I swiped on the notification. The white screen lighted the whole room as the blue message also mixed in with the white. The message read as ''Listen Charity, the reason I never said I love you back is because it pains me to lie to you. Our relationship is going downhill, it isn't working anymore. Everything that happens, you always blame yourself making yourself look like the victim and I'm sorry for telling you that but it's true. I'm sorry but it isn't just you that is always the victim in everything. I'm unhappy and pretty much so is our relationship. You're always ignoring me for other things and it makes me sad. You always talk to the people at your dads business more than you talk to me and that's not fair for me. Charity... I've thought about this really hard and you have to understand me but we weren't meant to be. We should just go our own ways and never see each other ever again. I will always love you but not truly. Everything in our relationship was special to me and it's hard to let go but sometimes we have to do things we don't want. I'm sorry but I never want to see you again.'' Tears started streaming down my face as I painfully smiled. The only response I gave him was ''Okay, that's fine. Hope you feel more happy'' I didn't know what to say. I covered my mouth as I cried even more to each word. We had been together for 9 months, we were actually happy. Ever since I have been on a business trip with my father, I haven't been able to go to high school and I feel like that is another reason why he left me. I don't understand. It isn't my fault. Something keeps on telling me that he's going to go back to Brooklynn, his ex. Before we were together, they had been going on and off. Ever since the start of high school, they've been together til our last year where he chose me over her but now, it's going back to the old ways. I just hate the thought of Leo and Brooklynn together. I really love Leo, it might sound 'cringy' but he is actually my first love. I've never felt this way to any of my boyfriends except him. But now... Everything is going bad. I've never been this way. I didn't believe that I would be in this much pain when we break up but I guess I was wrong. I've never experienced a proper relationship like the one me and Leo had. At least school was in 3 days and that might be enough time for me to pull myself together. But right now my thoughts are devouring me. Memories were flashing through my head constantly like a broken record on a loop. I had threw my phone to the end of my bed not replying to his second message. I didn't want anything to do with him anymore. It now seems like I have no meaning in life without him... What am I supposed to do now? I don't understand anything anymore. As I tried to take in a deep breathe I looked at the positive side. I can now focus on my studies and my father's work more. It's just a breakup... He never cheated on me once which was good? Right? More tears fell down my face as I gasped for air. I was suffocating in our memories. I don't like this feeling. Not at all. It's not fair. I had buried my face in the pillow and cried for about 2 hours before I had fully emptied myself out. I was panting from all the crying. My pillow and bed sheets were soaked with the teardrops. Was crying this much unhealthy? It isn't even worth crying over but somehow I can't contain myself. I still want to cry but I just can't. I had toke in another deep breathe before forcing myself to sleep. It was going to be weird waking up to no "Good morning baby" or "Hey gorgeous you up yet?". Maybe this was for the best though. Somehow I tried to push past the negatives and looked for the positives however like Leo said, it seems like I'm playing the victim. I don't mean too. I wish he understood. The thing is though, nobody will ever understand your own pain as much as you. You're the only person that will understand. I had a headache which was affecting me from sleeping, I once read that if you cry a lot it is possible to have symptoms like this and I guess this was one of them. Heartbreak is something that truly sucks. It sucks so much. My heart was racing and there was a lump in my throat. The past years have been the absolute best if I'm being honest but 2019? It is so far the worst year I've had. Have I done something? Why is it that all my bad luck appeared now? I must've done something wrong. My thoughts were taking over again causing me too gasp for air as I still couldn't cry. Right now all I wanted was too sleep and wake up like nothing happened. I had turned over and laid on my back as I stared at my white ceiling still breathing hard. Looks like I have to prepare for more to come. This year is going to be me facing reality I guess and to be honest, I don't think I'm ready to go face to face with it. Finally, sleep had caught up to me and started to consume me. I had slowly drifted off thinking about my new real life, I guess it's time to face my biggest enemy of this year. Reality.