Reality

(4)

"Thanks for your concern but it's my least favourite weather now.". I seemed too harsh but I didn't want him to know that I was absolutely broken because of him. He might take it to his advantage. Leo isn't like that but after that message, I don't even know who he is anymore. I had looked out the window watching cars go past until my phone vibrated and I looked down. Was he on the chat? "I just wanted to make you feel better. I'm sorry Charity, I know you hate me but you have to understand me". I don't hate you Leo. I hate myself for trusting you. I love you more than I love myself and I truly hate myself for that. "I do understand you Leo but you have to understand me too. If you want me to move on then come up to me and say "Leave me alone" and I will. Over text doesn't do much. Yes, I will leave you alone but I can't promise that I won't be hurt". After that message I felt slightly better. Maybe him coming up to me will help me get over the pain but it might just make it worse. I don't know but taking risks like these are worth taking. I waited for a response but I never got one back. He had left me on read... But why? I seriously don't understand him. He's just giving me mixed emotions. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it. After all, I am the one heartbroken and not him. "Charity honey, are you alright?". I lifted my head up from my phone and looked at my father who had stopped at the red light. He looked at me with a concerned look so I simply gave him a fake smile and nodded my head. He gave me a smile back in return and looked back at the road. Suddenly I remembered I should remove Leo from my instagram bio and all the posts. I should also change his name. I'm willing to do all of that except from one thing. Delete our photos. I didn't have the strength to face that yet. But it wasn't just him to be honest. I never delete any photos even if me and that person despise each other. If I'm being honest, my main possession is probably my photos. I can never be without them. I was constantly yawning since I couldn't get a proper sleep so after 5 minutes of removing Leo from my bio and our posts, also changing his name. I had put my playlist on a shuffle and toke this opportunity to actually get some sleep. It might not be for a while but it would be enough to give me some energy. "Dad. Go to the second exit." Before I shut my eyes I could hear Chris's voice turning very serious and anxious. "What why?", "Just do it dad!". That's when I realised Leo's car was over at the 'first exit'. My heart started to race again. My eye sight wasn't very good so I didn't see him clearly yet it was enough to make out who it was. I think he was waiting for his mother to get back from wherever she went as I could see his sister in the drivers seat with what I think is his dogs in the back with his father and his other sister? I wasn't too sure but I know him and his oldest sister were at the front. When my father toke the second turn, I had looked away but to see from the corner of my eye that he saw me and that he was staring. I wanted to turn my head and look back but I didn't have the confidence to do so. So I just ignored it and leaned my head back on the window as I listened to my music while listening to my brother and father argue over why he had to take the second exit. Their voices sounded distance as music and sleep were both consuming both at the same time. My eye's slowly shut as my mind kept on flashing back to him in the car. Why was he even looking? Did he even know it was me? I doubt it. He probably found the car familiar or something. But then why did he watch it like that?... Agh Leo what have you done to me. First you hurt me and now you leave me clueless. I have so many unanswered questions that will probably never even be answered. Every time I shut my eyes, he's always there. I've had enough. It's been hours since his breakup with me and I can't stop thinking about him. I want it to stop. Without realising I had shouted "Just stop!" causing my father to slam the breaks. I had went flying forward hitting my head. "What happened?!" I could hear the annoyance in my fathers voice. He was more annoyed than concerned. "Sorry papa... I had a bad dream" I haven't called my father "papa" in a while. I'd normally call him it when I'm apologising just because it would make him more calm. "Listen Charity. Please contain yourself. I know you can't help it but try. We could've been in a car accident right now? Okay sweetheart". "Yes papa...". "Good, let's continue our way back home". If I was caught up in a car accident would you care Leo?... Agh Charity stop with the dark thoughts. While thinking I had felt a slight gentle tap on my shoulder so I had turned around to look. My brother was giving me a "Are you okay?" look. No Chris, I'm not and I really need your hug right now but you can't right now so I had just squeezed my eyes together reassuring him that I was okay before turning back and leaning back down again. Before I shut my eyes, I noticed that we were almost home so I really should force myself to get sleep even if it's a 5 minute nap, it's worth it. And so I finally let myself go into sleep's arm.