Weekend Goal

Chapter 10: Bench Warmer

After everything that's happened in the last week, I've felt like shutting myself away from the world, but life doesn't work that way - Jacob's not going to feed himself and neither are the customers in my café. As my mum always says, it's time to put on my big girl panties and get on with it, I guess she's right, I've been through worse times than this and I'm still here. I'll get over it, I always do - I don't know how I'll cope when Jacob leaves next week though.

It's been a weird few days, to say the least, Cooper's been texting me, a lot. Apparently, he's sorry for our fight the other day, he says that I bring out the best and worst in him, I call bullshit on that, but I don't have the energy to argue anymore. I shouldn't have forgiven him, I know that, but he turned up at my place and Jacob was out, and I was lonely; it was a huge mistake, I shouldn't have kissed him.

Honestly, as I sit here lacing my boots, I can't wait to get out on that pitch; I'm beyond excited for our first game of the season. This is definitely going to be my last season with the team and I want to make it count, I want this to be my best season yet, I want to go out on a high. I pull on my captain's armband and go look for Cooper, I want to hear his tactics - I've captained this team ever since I got here and I hope Cooper allows me to help him choose my successor.

Willow is already outside with Cooper, they're as thick as thieves and she gives me a weird look as I near them. "Hey, so what's the plan?" I ask, and Cooper holds his clipboard a little closer to his chest as if I'm going to steal his tactics and give them to the opposition.

"So, Sanne in goal, Willow left-back, Sage right-back . . . " Cooper says.

I shut off after that, I didn't bother listening to the rest of the line-up, why bother? It didn't include me. "What about me?" I ask, even though I already know the answer.

"Hmmm, Rose . . ." Cooper says, looking down at his clipboard. "No, I don't see your name on here, maybe you should give that to me," he says taking the armband from me.

And for about the twentieth time this week, I feel like I'm going to cry, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction. I watch him hand my captain's armband to Willow; she looks so smug as she effortlessly slides it up over her elbow, it's a perfect fit around her bicep. Maybe this has been her plan the whole time - to get me off the team, so she can take over. Maybe they planned it together, to wear me down until I can't take it anymore and I'd quit. But I can't do that; I won't do that.

"There's an empty seat over there with your name on it," Cooper laughs.

And it takes all of my willpower not to smash him in the face. "Okay, that's fine," I force a smile, I don't want him to know that he's upset me. It's not like it's the first time, and it won't be the last.

I sit for the first half trying to feign interest, but I can't - if I was on that pitch, I'd be giving my everything I'd be so engrossed in the game, I wouldn't have a clue what was going on around me. I certainly wouldn't be watching the guy who'd been talking to Sanne before kick-off, he's hardly taken his eyes off her the whole time. He'd probably in love with her or something, I think everyone is in love with Sanne. I couldn't even care less if they lose today, why should I? It's not even the fact that Sanne is in goal, I still can't believe that Cooper took me out of defence and replaced me with Sage of all people, she's not even a defender.

I have no idea what the score is at half-time when I follow them to the dressing room, but the minute the door closes Coopers starts shouting, so I'm assuming they're losing. I'm excluded from any team talk; he doesn't even acknowledge me when he tells them what he wants his team to do in the second half. I feel a gentle squeeze on my shoulder when I turn around Sanne gives me a small smile and she'll never know how grateful I am for that.

Sanne came to my café the other day and it was okay. We exchanged some civil words; I mean I knew we weren't going to suddenly become best friends, but I thought it would make playing on the same team easier. She told me she wasn't interested in Cooper, and honestly, if she was, I'd tell to never fall into his trap, not because of jealousy, but because I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.

"Right time to go back out there ladies, we got this," Willow shouts, trying to rally her troops.

Cooper holds the door open and they all follow one another out, and all I can think is that they definitely haven't got this, they don't care if they win or lose. They're certainly not going to put up a fight. I follow them at a distance, I'm in no rush to get back on the bench.

"Rose," Cooper says holding onto my arm as I'm about to walk through the door, "how are you finding life on the bench?" he asks with the biggest smirk.

"It's okay," I answer defiantly.

"This is my team Rose," he says before letting go of my arm.

"Well, you better get out there then, your team need all the help they can get," I manage to muster up the tiniest bit of confidence to speak up, and I'm reminded of who I used to be. I don't know what's happened to me. There was a time when I wouldn't have stood for this bullshit; I'd be out on that pitch giving it my all and I'd have given a louder battle cry that pathetic meow Willow had just given the team, but now I'm an emotional wreck.

"Fuck off Rose," I hear Cooper shout from behind me as he runs to catch up with his team before the second half kicks-off. He overtakes me, and I can't help but hope he'll trip in the car park, and maybe smack his head on one of the ornamental rocks.

"Rose . . . Rose . . . Earth to Rose," I hear someone say as they wave their hand in front of my face.

"Jude? What are you doing here?" I ask, sounding stupid, he plays football it's obvious what he'd be doing at the football club.

"Training. We have a match later. I thought you had a game today?"

"I'm on the bench," I say, embarrassed.

Jude shakes his head but doesn't say anything. "Come and train with us," he says as if I would be allowed. Bobby their coach wouldn't want me there and Cooper would have a fit if he found out. "Fuck Cooper!" Jude says it's almost like he can read my mind. "What have you got to lose? All you're doing is warming the bench, you're too good for that Rose."

"Training Rosie?" Bobby says to me as he walks past us in the car park.

"Okay," I say following them. I know better than to say no to Bobby, he doesn't take no for an answer. He's been coaching me since I was four years old and there's never an excuse for not training, even when I was eight months pregnant he had me practising - training in the rain on a Sunday morning, Jacob was born in the afternoon and he had me back kicking a ball the following week.

As I train with guys I feel better than I have done in weeks, I'm taking part in a worthwhile training session, I'm being tested and for that short amount of time I can forget everything else. I don't need to think about Jacob and the fact that he's leaving in a few days, backstabbing Willow is far from my mind. And I don't care about Cooper, I don't care that he practically kicked me off the team and I certainly don't care when I hear them all coming out of the changing rooms to go for a post-match drink. The fact that they have to walk past the pitch where I am training is no bother to me. When I'm kicking that ball around the pitch and sliding in for tackles I am me again, and I'm reminded that I like being me and I can do anything that I want to do.

I promise to myself that I while I'm here I will do everything I can to get back my place on the team, no matter how unlikely that is. And if that doesn't happen, it's not the end of the world - I'll train with the guys and then look for a new team, or maybe I'll take Bobby up on his offer. But one thing I won't do is fall for Cooper and his lies again or keep the bench warm for an entire season.