Weekend Goal

Chapter 6: I Fall Apart

Cooper is amazing with his hands, the massage he gave me after I shut the coffee shop early the other day has worked wonders. The tense feeling in my shoulders and neck is gone, and the constant swirly, sicky feeling in my stomach is nowhere near as bad as it was, but I know that won't pass for a while yet, not until everything settles down at least.

I feel like I'm on top of the world, almost. There's no way I'm going to let Sanne get to me, I know it's stupid anyway it's not like she's actually done anything to me. I don't have a reason to dislike her. I'm going to walk into that club with a smile on my face, and boss training like I know I can - I'm going to prove to those bitches in the changing room that I deserve my place on the team. This season will be my best season yet, and at the same time, I'm pretty sure this will be my last season with the team too.

Honestly, I went in there full of good intentions, I really did, but then I saw her, speaking and laughing with Cooper. He was doing that thing he does where he makes you feel like you're the most important person in the world - he's good at that. God, I hate him so much, he really is an idiot!

"Hey," Cooper says with that stupid, goofy smile on his face, "do you think Jacob wants a job for the summer?" he asks me.

"I'll ask him," I say before heading into the changing room. It's a lie, of course, I won't ask Jacob if he wants a summer job, I don't want him hanging around the club, and even if I did, Mateo has well and truly thrown a spanner in the works.

Sanne and Willow are sat next to each other, laughing and giggling as if they are best friends. I can't even bear to look at them; instead, I sit next to Sage - at least that way we can be miserable together. "Looking forward to training today?" I ask her.

She just shrugs her shoulders at me; I can already tell that she's not going to fight for her place on the team this season. Sage has resigned herself to being second place to the newbie; even she looks at Sanne as if she's some sort of goddess - I won't admit this out loud, but maybe it's best if Sage is left on the bench, she has no fight left in her.

I watch Sanne lacing up her new boots; I can't help but give her a scornful look, I nearly bought them for myself the other day, I can't help but feel relieved that I didn't.

For the first time, this pre-season Cooper puts Willow and me on the same team, and it feels good to be reunited - we work together well. Two seasons ago, no one could beat us. I spot a weakness on Sanne's left, so I practically scream at my teammates to exploit it, and she get's all pissy.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Are you going to be shouting that off to all the teams we come up against this season?" she says, getting right in my face when Cooper shouts for a water break.

She's so dumb. I wasn't actually calling her out on her weakness to be a bitch, I know that's hard to believe, but if we have to be on the same team, then we need to try and find a way to work together. "Well, you're kind of a liability," I say, squaring up to her - which is pretty bloody difficult when she's over a foot taller than me.

"Calm down," Cooper says while pulling me away by my arm.

So I need to calm down? As if Sanne wasn't the one who started on me, I did nothing wrong.

"Why are you so aggy? Willow asks me as we walk back onto the pitch, "are you on your period or something?"

"No! It's nothing!" I say, but that's a lie; a few weeks ago I would've told Willow what was going on, but I just don't feel like talking to her. I wish I could tell her that I feel like my whole life is falling apart and there's nothing I can do about it. It's probably nothing less than I deserve anyway.