the last song (mileven au)

nothing about this is okay

≫ 15 ≪

"No. No, this can't be right! It has to be some kind of mistake!" El shook her head, looking wildly at her dad, who was currently reclined on a hospital bed, hooked up to so many machines she lost count. She paced the floor of the small room, her feet unable to stop moving.

This can't be true, it just can't.

"It's not a mistake, El." Jim grabbed her hand, squeezing it as much as his tired body could. "I'm so sorry, I never wanted you to find out this way."

"Then when exactly were you planning on telling us??" She desperately cried, ripping her hand from his.

It suddenly all made sense to her why they were forced to come here for the summer. Her mom was so adamant about it and now she knew why. All the signs of her dad's growing weaknesses were there and she just now pieced them all together, seeing the much bigger, unsettling picture.

"I don't know." He sighed, his eyes bouncing back and forth between her and his hands resting on his stomach.

"Were you gonna tell us before we went back to New York? After?? On the freaking phone??" Jim knew that nothing he could say would calm her down, so he just kept quiet. "What were you going to say dad?? 'Oh sorry I just forgot to mention that I have terminal cancer, but hope you had a safe flight home!?'"

Her voice was booming at this point, attracting attention from just about everyone who passed by his room. Jim's nurse had even ran in at one point, panicking over all the commotion. He quickly waved her off given that nothing was actually wrong. His daughter was just upset and had a grand way of showing it.

"Is that why you wanted us down here, so we could just watch you die??"

"No, kid. I wanted you here, so I could watch you live." His eyes begged hers to understand, to not hate him for this. They had taken a great turn in their relationship this summer and he didn't want to ruin that. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want our time together to be about my illness."

"Well, it is now dad!" El cried, her face full of mixed emotions. She was mad, oh was she mad. Confusion running around her mind over how he could keep something like this from them. She was also upset and completely in shock over this terrible news, as anyone would be. Her dad was dying, how do you even being to process that?

"It's going to be okay El." Jim sighed, trying to remain positive, even though it wouldn't help their particular situation much.

"No! Nothing about this is okay!" She angrily folded her arms across her chest, but then threw them up in the air. "You're dying, nothing is even remotely okay about that."

She stood her ground for a moment, but then more tears fell and she was instantly at his side. She wedged her way on the side of his bed, carefully wrapping her arm around him. He hugged her back tightly, as she snuggled further into his chest. She could feel the bones in his chest, emphasizing just how thin he had gotten. She hadn't even noticed it before. He was wasting away in front of her very eyes this whole time.

God, I'm such an idiot. It was all right there in front of me and I still managed to look right past it.

El was devastated. The longer she held on to him, the worse she felt. All she thought about was how she'd never get to do this once he was gone. Her dad was going to leave her again, but for good this time. He'd never see Sara grow up, never walk El down the aisle on her wedding day, never get to be a grandpa to her future children, never do anything with her or Sara ever again. He'd be gone and there was not a single thing she could do about it.