5 Years On | Bughead

Eight

"It was depression." It wasn't a question.

"Yes," Betty said forlornly, lying on Jughead's chest as the sun started to rise. It had been a very long night and they were still in the flatbed of the truck. "But I didn't figure that out until much later. I hated myself so much, Juggie. And in all honestly, after what I did to Hot Dog –"

His arms tensed around her.

"- I still do."

"Don't, Betty."

"Why?"

"You couldn't help it."

"But I've felt terrible about it for years. It's why I started drinking."

He just held her in silence.

"I hated myself, Juggie. Absolutely hated myself."

"Shh . . ." he said and kissed her head. "Let's not talk about it."

"But I want to. I think we need to."

He knew she wasn't talking about herself anymore and shifted uncomfortably.

"What's going on with you, Jug? Why do you hate yourself so much?"

He pressed his lips together tightly and he sat up. He couldn't do this – not with her.

She put herself squarely in front of him, lifting a hand tenderly to his face. "Juggie, please talk to me. I've been so worried about you."

He lifted his chin in defiance. "And once you aren't?"

"Aren't what?"

"Aren't worried anymore." His chin quivered. "Then you're just going to leave, aren't, you?"

"Jug . . ." she said softly, dropping her hand.

"This was what you came back to Riverdale for, right? To get. . ." He took a deep breath, thinking of her revelation in regards to why Hot Dog had died in her care. ". . . THAT off your chest. And now you have. You can go."

"I can't leave you Jug –"

"What? You still think I'm a mess?" He snorted bitterly. "Afraid I'm going to go back on my promise and find my way to the bottom of a bottle again if I don't spill my guts to you now?"

There was a long pause before she said, "Yes."

"You can't ask that of me, Betty."

"Why?"

Silent tears fell down his cheeks for a while.

"Don't you understand that the anticipation of you leaving –" He hiccuped loudly and wiped at his nose. "That's what's killing me, Betty."

She took his hand gently.

In a very quiet voice he continued, "I don't want to be all alone with all of that again. Please don't do that to me."

"When were you all alone?" she asked softly.

He just kept crying and banged the back of his head against the glass of the cab a couple of times before resting it there.

"No," he said weakly. "No, I can't go there. Please."

And then Betty did the most astonishing thing. She pulled out her cell phone.

"Gregg?"

He could hear the harsh tones of her dick fiancé on the other line. "Betty, what are you thinking? Calling me at the buttcrack of dawn like this? What is wrong with you?"

"Gregg -"

"Are you still in Riverdale?"

"Yes."

"Have you finished up your business with Jughead? Are you ready to move on?"

"No."

Jughead lifted his head up.

"No, Gregg. I won't be moving on," Betty said firmly. "Goodbye."