Life as She knows it

°•°7•°•

Death is inevitable, everyone says. It cannot be avoided even by the mightiest of men.
My paternal grandparents had died when I was but a teenager. My grandfather had died seven years, seven months and seven days- somebody claimed and seven hours- after his only wife, my grandmother and this was over emphasized even in his obituary, I do not know why. My grandfather had died. Period. I remember seeing people wailing loudly when my grandmother's and grandfather's coffin hit the wide and deep hole that had been dug to fit the coffin, but I do not remember crying myself. That was because I wasn't close to neither before their deaths. I only remember crying after the realization that I no longer had a grandmother -and seven years and seven months and seven days (and seven hours) later- or a grandfather to visit again set in.
My mother had always been an emotional person. She would cry privately when a church member lost his/her child, she would cry when the news that a building had been bombed and that a family member of ours narrowly escaped the bombing by leaving the building only few minutes before the bombing, she would cry when she heard of a plane crash, she would cry when she heard of the body of a young man found bloated in a well and whom she had some months ago given some money for survival, she had cried when Gideon, Jude, Perez and I were called to collect our certificate on our graduation day which was years after the other's, she cried tears of joy and tears of sadness.
Anyone around her when she was crying tears of sadness would say "It's well." and "God is in charge."
Four years ago, when one of her good friends from her childhood- they had both attended the same secondary school, university and had settled down with husbands and children in the same state, Oyo- died after a long battle with breast cancer, she had wept for long. I was the only one at home with her when she received the call of a bad news. I said what I felt was somehow comforting and what I was used to hearing people comforting others with. "It's well Mom. God knows best. He gives and takes, He knows best." And at the same time crying myself.

🌻

My father received a call just now and he let out a ear piercing scream- which of course made my ear ache, my hearing aid intensifies the sound of the scream- as I as soon as the caller told him his reason for calling. I have never heard my father scream like that or scream in fact.
"What's wrong Dad?"
"Kílosélé?" (What happened?)
"Sé kosi sah?" (I hope there's no problem Sir?) I, Perez, my mother and Gideon's wife Feyisara inquired of my father all at once. It's Christmas period and we are preparing the house by decorating it. This is what we were doing and of course talking excitedly when my father screamed.
My father's breathing became heavier and faster, as if labored.
"Jesus take over. Jesus take over." He kept repeating.
We kept on asking him questions.
My Mom was saying "É bàmí sóróó" (Talk to me). This goes on for another ten minutes with fear in our hearts and my father shaking his head slowly while repeating "Jesus take over."
"Let's be calm." My father says finally.
We all go quiet.
"I want us to know that God has His reasons for doing things." He pauses.
"Jude won't be coming home for Christmas." My dad pauses again and looks at our faces as if the next thing he was going to say was going to be painful to hear. "He was shot dead by a white policeman some minutes ago."
The screams I heard next was very much louder than that my father had made a while ago. Yet I was numb to it all. I could hear the screams and at the same time not hear it.
"I spoke with him some hours ago. That can't be true." I say out loud but everyone else is screaming so what I say goes unheard even to my father who looks in front of him, staring into nothingness and with his hands at his back.
I am the only one not screaming or crying apart from my father, who as the world would expect 'was being a man'. I shakily sit down on a chair and look on. It then hits me that everyone else is screaming because of Jude. Jude is dead. Jude is gone. It's not something I can deny and justify simply because he called me just hours ago. I suddenly jump up and join the rest in screaming and wailing.
I would have comforted Perez, my Mom or even sister Feyisara with the words "It's well. God knows best." had it been anyone I wasn't close with when they were alive. But it's my brother. I do not say it to them nor to myself.