Never Alone

Chapter 8

Charlotte's P.O.V.

This is the toughest fight I have ever come across, fighting for my life is so hard. The thing you don't realize is that dying isn't worth it, all the self harm and the thoughts of wanting to die are not worth the fight you put up with later, if you're lucky enough to get a second chance to fight. You don't realize that life is actually pretty good until it's taken away.

I have my sister, I have Michael and Luke, my dear Luke, he's been there this whole time. I hurt myself, I created scars on myself for what? Because I though I was alone, I thought that the pain I was feeling in that house was too great from to handle. But here I am, at death's door, not alone, I have Ania, Michael and Luke. I was just so focused on the pain that I didn't see the blessing I had in front of me. I could have talked to any of them, maybe not Ania or Michael because I don't want them dealing with my issues on top of their own at such a young age, but Luke. He always told me that he was there for me, to talk to him whenever I needed to. Why didn't I just listen to him? Why did I have to be so stupid? Life beats you to your knees and you're so focused on the pain that you don't realize what's further up, because you cant see it.

I feel my heart beating faster than it should, it feels like it's working over time when all it wants to do is rest.

It's okay, you can stop now, you worked so hard to keep us alive. I caused this for us, you did all that you could, it's okay to stop, I won't be upset. Ania and Michael and Luke....they'll understand. Just slow down and let yourself go.

As I feel my heart rate come down I think of everything that makes me happy. I apologize to my sister and to Luke for leaving them, hoping that they forgive me, I pray that my sister will get the life that she deserves. As my heart rate slows, I finally feel a lightness that I've never felt before, one that I didn't give myself a chance to find when I was breathing. Before I know it my thoughts stop, my breath stops and my heart finishes the battle.

Luke's P.O.V.

I can't hear anything except for the beating in my ears. I run as fast as I can to her room, pushing myself to go faster even though my body is protesting. It seems like forever before I reach her door, I can hear the sobs coming from inside. I was about to walk in but the speech that was coming out of that room had my feet frozen to the ground.

"I know I haven't always been a good mother Charlotte, I wish I could take that all back. I loved you so much and I know that you probably don't believe that but it's true. I love you with all my heart. I was a selfish mother, I did this to you, your death is my fault." It was quiet for a moment and a heart wrenching sob followed but she continued.

"I can sit here and tell you reasons on why I was such a bitch but I know it will sound like I'm making excuses so I won't bother telling you any of it. I promise you though I will change for Ania, it shouldn't have come to this for me to make the change but unfortunately this is the way it is. You were a good daughter and a better mother to Ania than I'll ever be." My heat broke listening to the sound coming from the room, it heartbreaking. I know I should probably be upset with her but I can't. I understand what it's like to change after something happens in your life. I don't know exactly what happened to Charlotte's mother but I know it was probably terrible.

I open the door to the hospital room and slowly walk inside. I reach my hand out and put it on the mourning mother's shoulder. She looks up at me with her red swollen eyes and puts her hand on top of mine. There weren't any words that were exchanged but our eyes told each other everything. She got up and walked out of the room, leaving Charlotte and I alone.

I look down at the stranger laying in front of me, she doesn't look like the same Charlotte came through these hospital doors. Her face has thinned out and has become pale, her lips are purple, it was as though death came a kissed her. I picked up her frail hand in mine, she had lost so much weight you can see the bones in her finger. I couldn't control the tears that fell from my eyes, I never thought that I would have to experience this. I sit down in the chair next to her bed, my legs too weak to keep me up, and I push the hair away from her face. A sob came out of me unexpectedly, the pain was one of the worst things I have ever felt.

Michael and I lost our parents a couple of years ago and I had to keep it all in for him. But losing Charlotte, all that pain I've pushed down for years can no longer be suppressed and it hurts. It hurts like hell. My heart is beating faster than it should be, the pain in my chest is like daggers stabbing me repeatedly, and to take a breath, it all hurts so much. I feel like I want to die but I know that she would be so pissed at me if I did.

I held her hand and put my head on our hands, in that moment I decided that is was okay for me to break. I decided for just that moment, it was okay to not be okay. After sitting there for what seemed like forever, I composed myself and took a final look of Charlotte. I memorized her features, even though I know this isn't how she really looked. I said my final goodbye, gave her a last kiss on her forehead and walked out of that room.

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