Something greater than loss

Birthday

March - 39 weeks

I lost all of my mucus plug last week, which is kind of terrifying. Not only the idea but the sight of it, I don't recommend it, It was like... pinkish and it had some blood in it, disgusting. Since my body became a big ball of pain these past couple weeks I somewhat got used to it but today is particularly painful. I feel like my back is caught in this continuous cramp that has been there for hours already. It's was around two in the morning but I couldn't sleep again I was kneeling on my mattress, trying to get comfortable, maybe ease the pain a bit. Flipper didn't budge at all today she stayed by my side all day like she was on guard or something, even now she's lying next to me, won't leave my side, she wouldn't sleep in her dog bed.

"Elliot would you stop stirring? I can't sleep because of you."

Great, now I woke Darlene up.

"When you're in my place we'll see who can't stop stirring."

I'm a little grouchy right now, the pain is getting on my nerves. She didn't retort back, just looked at me, I guess she understood I'm not too happy about this either.

"Wanna go to the pool?"

"Yeah."

She asked it like it was a chore but I guess she's just tired, it'll be nice to go swimming a little, we haven't gone in a while. I've been experiencing awful Braxton Hicks contractions these past couples of hours too. They hurt more than they used to, it's strange. Darlene got her backpack ready and we went out the door in the direction of the subway. My stomach cramped while I was walking, almost had to stop walking it was so bad. In the train car, the seats were extra uncomfortable, can't wait till I get to relax in the water and maybe I'll get some sleep later. We finally entered the house, I suddenly felt a heavy wave of fatigue weigh down on my shoulders. We went down to the basement floor, Darlene stripped down to her swimsuit and then helped me undress. The kid is very active, strange he hasn't moved that much in weeks. She got in the water and waited for me to get in, I was standing close to the pool, about to step on the ladder to get in when I felt this tightness inside me and then something like a balloon popping. I didn't know what just happened so I stood there close to the edge, frozen.

"Come on Elliot. What are you waiting for?"

I froze with fear and still didn't move... What was that?

"Elliot?" Now Darlene's voice was laced with a touch of concern.

I felt my boxer briefs slowly getting soaked. What the fuck?! Then I felt something slowly travel down the inside of my thigh, down my leg all the way to my heel. I whimpered. What's happening? Please don't tell me IT'S happening, not right now. I took two feeble steps back, I could feel my body beginning to tremble with anxiety. Noticing something is not right Darlene came out of the water and stood next to me.

"Hey, What's going on? Talk to me?"

She tried making eye contact with me, but I didn't look at her I couldn't focus on anything, my eyes darted around the room like wild animals, my breathing becoming erratic and noticeably faster.

"Why are you freaking out?"

I flinched feeling another strong cramp... oh no... they're not just cramps, please don't tell me I was having contractions this whole time. This is not good. I took a step sideways. What am I doing? I don't know what to do. In the corner of my eye, I was vaguely aware of Darlene trying to get through to me.

"Stop freaking out. What is it?"

Her voice was now more stern, she's probably fed up with my lack of response but I gotta tell her, she'll know what to do.