As Long As I Have You

~ Chapter Fifty Three ~

Evan couldn't say how long he stood in the damning darkness contemplating his next move. Years of negotiating expertise told him the battle was as good as lost, but he simply couldn't bring himself to turn and leave, not when he was determined to win the war.

He prayed for some kind of absolution to rain down and wash the pain of their pasts clean, yet the hurt lingered on and Kirsten was no closer to him. The black chill he had become so accustomed to stood there ready for him, waiting in the silence to swallow them once again.

He refused to give in. The darkness would always be there, and the pain of their pasts would always hurt, but only he and Kirsten could grant the divine forgiveness each of them so desperately sought.

And they had to forgive themselves before they could forgive each other.

He followed the ghost of her path along the short hallway and crossed the threshold of this most intimate room, suddenly recalling the last time he had been here. He remembered her room smelling of jasmine, and gauzy curtains delicately filtering in moonlight by the window as he made love to her during the best two months of his life.

He also remembered settling into a dreamless sleep that was later broken by the sounds of her distress and the beginnings of one of her night terrors. Intent on saving her from the monsters of the night, he pulled her against his form and tucked his knees under hers, then wrapped his arms snugly about her and whispered soothing sounds for what felt like an eternity. The demons within her mind retaliated but he never gave in, and in the end he won back possession of his wife, determined in his own sleepy haze to keep her safe at all costs.

Tonight Kirsten's room looked very different and very cold. Gone were the gauzy curtains and finery of a woman's bedroom, and in their place were more stacks of cardboard boxes labelled and ready for shipping. Only the faint smell of jasmine and a stripped-down version of her bed remained, the last item to be packed before she left for good.

She sat on the edge of the bed, her shoulders sagged as if someone had crumpled her up like a piece of paper and thrown her aside. She looked more delicate than the finest crystal, and the last thing he wanted to do was break her. She had already been broken once, and somehow, incredibly, she had survived stronger than ever yet more frail than he could possibly imagine.

She was crying freely but made no sound as she sobbed. When she caught sight of him in the doorway her tear-stained cheeks and reddened eyes nearly destroyed him.

Why hadn't he seen the truth before? If Kirsten was always so easy to read, how was he so blind to the pain and despair she carried with her? The answer was despicably simple. His own problems were of more concern for so long they made him blind to everything else, even the woman he loved.

He closed the distance between them in three easy strides and instantly sank to his knees in front of her. He would gladly humble himself before this green-eyed kitten with hair the colour of darkest chocolate, skin softer than moonlight, and a spirit stronger than steel.

He picked up her limp hands and enveloped them within his own, careful of her injured palm. He pressed her fingertips to his lips and realized just how parched he was for the taste of her skin. He was no longer scared she would reject his request for forgiveness and his offer of love.

He was terrified.

He tipped her chin so her translucent gaze met his own. "Kirsten Travis, you are the most amazing woman I have ever known. I always knew you were strong, but I had no idea how true that was until tonight. To survive that kind of abuse and still make a life for yourself in this world? It could've destroyed you."

Tears continued to fall unabated. "I killed a man, Evan."

He shook his head. "Deep down you know his death was an accident, my love. Holding onto that pain and guilt was your way of punishing yourself and protecting your family. I should know, I did the same damn thing. But enough is enough. We've carried our burdens the distance. It's time to let them go."

He saw the sparkle of hope glint in her eyes, then quickly extinguish itself with the fear she had come to know for so long. "I-I want to Evan, but I—"

"I love you so damn much, Kirsten. If we've got each other nothing else matters."

His words lulled her into the warmest place she had ever been, but they were far too dreamy to be real, and the only dreams she could rely on were those that turned into nightmares during the darkest hours.

Before she could offer another objection, he rose to his feet and pulled her into his arms with a gentleness that could do nothing less than fill her spirit to overflowing. His kiss lured her heart out of hiding, teasing her with memories long pushed aside but never forgotten. Emotions thundered and roiled inside her, a too-blue storm exploding against the cliffs of a tumultuous, emerald-coloured sea. She gave herself up to every crashing wave and gladly drowned in his arms. Every moment made her ache for his touch even more, and each velvet sweep of his tongue reminded her how badly she wanted him and his kisses. Kisses that always possessed maddening hints of laughter and arrogance.

And now love.

Evan gathered her closer than ever and swept her weightlessly into his arms. Her soft curves moulded to the contours of his body, instantly remembering him as if they had been apart from one another for no more than a heartbeat. He sat down on the bed and cradled her in his embrace, then moved to reclaim her lips but she turned her head slightly, stopping him.

"What about our divorce?"

"To hell with that," he growled from beneath an impassioned whisper and found his way back to his favourite spot just below her ear where her jawline met the slender slope of her neck.

"Evan—"

"Marry me," he whispered near her ear.

Startled, she pulled back and looked at him. "I thought you said—"

"I know what I said, and I tore up those damned divorce papers on my way over here. But if you want to get married again, I'll gladly do it."

"You want to jump in another plane and go to Las Vegas?"

"I'll jump in a plane tonight or out of a thousand more tomorrow if that's what it takes to keep you forever." He paused. "You have my word, Kirsten. I want it all. You, your talent, your crazy family, all of it."

"Giving your word makes life complicated," she warned, and new tears, these ones filled with pure joy, made her eyes shine like never before.

She watched with wonder as he reached into his pocket and withdrew her emerald wedding ring, then slid it onto her finger with a smile of his own. The weight of the past faded away, instantly replaced by a new promise for a love that would last a lifetime.

"I can handle complicated, as long as I have you."

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~ Thank you so much for reading "As Long As I Have You". 

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I'm also pleased to announce work has begun on my newest novel, "Because of You". It will be full of mystery and romance, and of course passion! I can't wait to share this new love story with you all!

'Because of You' is available to read on Wattpad now.!

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