As Long As I Have You

~ Chapter Thirty Two ~

Kirsten.

Her name was scrawled across the envelope in overly large script, a telltale sign her father wasn't wearing his glasses when he wrote her name down. The envelope itself held several papers, another sign the letter had been handwritten rather than typed. It was an odd habit of Carl's, one she always assumed was either a personal resistance to technology or just part of his quirky desire to jot things down on any blank surface he could find.

But why had he written her? And what could he possibly say on paper that he hadn't said to her before he died?

Knowing the only way she would find the answers she was looking for, she ignored her trembling fingers, pulled the papers free, and started to read.

____________________

Kirsten,

There's no good way to start a letter like this, and I know because I've put pen to paper at least a dozen times and failed. There's so much to say to you my sweet girl, and I'm not sure where to begin other than by telling you how much Elizabeth and I love you, and how proud we are of you every single day.

You remind me so much of your mother — my beautiful Claire — and to this day it breaks my heart to think of how little time you two actually had together. She didn't get to see you grow up into the brilliant and gorgeous woman you are today, but I know she watches over you and gives you strength when you think you have none left inside of you. Your talent may be God given, but I also know it comes from your mother and thrives because of your stepmother. Do you know how lucky you are to have two mothers that love you so dearly and support your dreams every step of the way?

I also know our love hasn't always been enough, and we weren't always able to protect you. For that I will always be sorry, and even now I beg your forgiveness for failing you. Thankfully I can take comfort in the belief that it's at times like these that Claire protects your heart and keeps your spirit strong.

Even so, being strong isn't something you can do forever, and it definitely isn't something you can do alone either. As a father all I've ever wanted for you is success, love, and happiness — I think that's all any parent wants for their children. I absolutely see success coming your way, but I also see you carrying a sadness and guilt you think you've mastered hiding from the world. Not so, my sweet girl. I see you bear the weight of these awful things everyday, and whether you know it or not, it's closed you off from love and happiness. And how can you find any real success in life without these things — for someone else and especially for yourself?

This is where things become difficult for me to explain, and where I ask you to forgive a dying man for prying into his daughter's life and rambling on like an old fool...

I won't bore you with the details other than to say I met Evan Beaumont about a year ago through business. He was smart and successful (and according to Elizabeth a real looker!), and I remember thinking, 'Now here's a man for my sweet girl.' I was determined to introduce the two of you when the craziest possible thing happened...

You found each other.

Do you remember the day I told you about my cancer? It sounds like a stupid question, but do you really remember it?

____________________

She set the letter down, hands shaking and tears falling down her cheeks for the third time that day. Did she remember the day she learned her father was dying? Or that he was about to lose the company he worked his entire life for? The answer was of course, but she also knew the day was marked in her memory because it was the day she said goodbye to her mystery man at the gallery. A man she had come to care for and thought she would never see again.

Evan.

But how did her father know any of that?

____________________

I came to your place late in the afternoon so I could tell you about the cancer — and to make things even worse I told you about Sam. I'd never seen such heartbreak on anyone's face in my whole life, and somehow I felt like I'd let you down all over again. (Even as I write the words they look ridiculous, but if a parent detests anything, it's the idea of letting down their child.)

If I let you down though, you surprised me with the greatest gift I could have ever asked for — hope.

You didn't know it at the time, but what you said hit me like a ton of bricks. There I was, telling you all of this terrible news, and you were offering to put your life on hold and help any way you could, starting with skipping out on a standing date you had that afternoon with a man you met at a gallery — the same standing date a colleague and friend of mine had casually mentioned to me not so long before that. He told me of an intriguing and beautiful woman with sparkling green eyes and an incredible eye for abstract art... and thanks to you inadvertently sharing your plans with me, I alone knew the woman he spoke of was none other than you.

You were in a lot of shock after everything I told you, so I wouldn't be surprised if none of this sounds familiar. But trust me when I say I absolutely remember every detail of that conversation. I also remember insisting you go because I foolishly thought we had plenty of time.

Life may be filled with coincidences, sweet girl, but things also happen for a reason, and I know Evan Beaumont found his way into your life for a very special one. (I've always believed Claire sent us Elizabeth and Danny, and I don't doubt for one second she had a hand in this, too. And if Claire had the power to nudge Evan into your life, I think it's only right I give you a push into his.)

I've asked you to handle the sale of Travis Enterprises with Evan because I'm responsible for knocking the two of you off course, and now it's up to me to put you both back on track. My illness might have stalled things, but I'll be damned if I let it hijack and steal this chance altogether.

Let go of the guilt and sadness, my sweet girl. You've mourned the dead long enough and it's high time you start living again. If anyone can help you do that my gut says it's Evan. And if anyone can help you save Travis Enterprises from Sam's deceit— it's Evan. He's a tough nut to crack, but he's also a good man and one I'd consider myself damn lucky to have looking after my precious daughter once I'm gone.

You deserve everything this world has to offer — love, happiness, success — all of it and everything in between. And if I can have a hand in helping you achieve that joy (whether it's from this world or the next), I will be the proudest father ever.

Love you now and always,

Dad