Trombone Crush

3

A few soft taps on my bedroom door make me look up from my computer screen. When my mom walks in, I quickly close my laptop, to hide the very cheesy fanfiction that I was working on. "Hi, mom, what brings you to my humble abode?" I set my laptop aside and flutter my eyelashes innocently.

She cocks her head to the side and raises an eyebrow "Whatever happened to that update I was promised?"

I squirm in my bed and pull a pillow onto my lap "Oh...right well um, never mind. It's nothing important." I force out a laugh.

Mom purses her lips together, then sighs "Well if you're sure..." she trails off and then smiles widely. "Well, I have an update for you, Lana." She plops down on my bed next to me and I scoot over a bit.

"Yeah?"

"Well, your father and I were talking and we noticed how you don't really seem to enjoy living here.

"Well-"

"And, we figured we've been here for a year and a half already and we need some new inspiration, so, we're thinking about moving to Arizona!" she beams, squeezing my pillow excitedly.

Arizona?" I draw the word out slowly, hoping that this was just some kind of bad joke "For real?"

"Yeah!" she beams, clearly not reading my mood, "We're thinking we can get some really good story ideas in such a different environment! Oh, and that way you can start all over with making new friends now that you have some practice! And in Arizona..." her voice fades until it seems like she's speaking to me from miles away.

Again, we're moving again. Of course. I sit back in my bed and hug my pillow close as my mom goes on for a while. I respond with unenthusiastic nods and 'uh huhs' until I realize my mom has been waiting for me to respond.

I squeeze the pillow tightly against my chest and reply quietly "What if...what if I don't want to leave?"

"This isn't about you hun." My mom crosses her arms and lets my pillow drop to the floor. "You know your father and I need to move to get inspiration for new books. And I wasn't asking for your opinion, this is what we're doing."

My eyes feel hot, they start to burn. "But-"

"I don't want to hear it, Lana." Her sharp blue eyes pierce through me and I stand from my bed. "I'm going to the bathroom," I mumble as I quickly leave the room and enter the bathroom across the hall.

I close the door behind me and lock it, and lean against the door. Tears brim in my eyes and I blink furiously no, no, stop. I feel my hope crash down from the high it was riding from Friday. My heart starts pounding furiously in my chest like it's trying to break free from my ribcage and my fingertips start to numb.

"It's gonna be okay Lana, you're used to this, you can handle this." I grip the sink and take slow deep breaths. More hot frustration builds behind my eyes and I blink them rapidly. I turn the water on, collect it in my hands and throw it in my face. The icy water shocks my senses and chills me as it runs down my neck. My nerves calm and I take a slow breath. I dry my face with a towel and lay on the floor to calm down. The cool tile relaxes me as I focus on my breathing. In and out...in and out. Just don't think about it.

I ignore the thoughts of moving. The thoughts leaving behind the first potential friend I've had in over a year and starting over again. I shove it all to the back of my mind and away from the light. I repress them and leave them where they can't hurt me. It's gonna be okay, I'm gonna be okay.

So, I push myself to my feet and start to mentally prepare for school tomorrow and for seeing Jesse.

***