The Reborn

Chapter 2: A re-awakening

As I woke up the next day, I realized that the apartment was more than capable of suiting my needs, but it lacked me in it. What did I need? What did I want to do with it? Who am I? I know who I used to be, but am I that same Michael? In some ways, I would hope that I was, but in others well, not so much...

I looked around for the necessities and the things that would allow me to bring out my personality. It was a place that was beyond minimalistic, it was a pure white canvas waiting to be painted. When I entered the front door after a quick jaunt to the corner coffee shop to grab something quick and at the ready, I saw a blank space that needs to be filled with life. My life.

For those that didn't know me, they would think I was the most boring person in the world right now. For now, I was alright with that, or was I? I shrugged and started making a list of things that I would need. Lamps, curtains, blinds, a whole host of my own kitchenware and I knew at the top of that list was going to be something to make coffee in. Coffee was life, I was living...

I reflected upon my life and I started to comb through my memories while I wrote down what I needed. Seeing myself younger, not that I was old at thirty-three by far, but I was just starting out, again. I missed the old me that didn't have a care in the world in a way, he wouldn't have cared what he surrounded himself with, as I do now. I knew that this was only the beginning of something. Then my thoughts trailed off again, my broken mind at work, those eyes.

Something about them disturbed me. They made me realize what I would have never admitted to anyone in the five years I'd spent in the priesthood. I'm gay, and I know it. I pressed the tip of the pen to my lips rhythmically tapping them. He couldn't have been more than his mid to late twenties, but I couldn't get my mind away from him. I was drawn to him, this Alex. Not as a moth is drawn to a flame, but something in my mind was telling me I needed to speak with him.
I needed to talk to him. I needed to get to know him. He was a key to something.

I knew he was by far and wide, not that voice that I heard that night. Nowhere near it. That voice spoke and I was in all sense and purpose, lost. Lost to that life of denial. Lost to that life in which I denied even myself. Forsaking who I was, what I was, and whom I was attracted to. Those things weren't the reason for my retreat from reality, just one factor.

I'd spent the better part of my youth as anyone else. The "average joe" in my case Michael. Middle child of Sebastian, a military man, and Rachel Raybourne. My brother and sister, were as normal as what people would think of when you think of a nuclear family. I was the odd one out. I never truly felt at home, unless my dad was there. Which wasn't often enough for my liking. The hardest part of being brought up in a middle-class military family was moving around a lot and I guess another would be that there was always a parent missing.

When my father was around, I would follow him around like a puppy looking for his attention his affection. I lost all sense of independence while he was home. Normally, I'd be out with friends or just reading on my own. Learning was also something I could do with or without him around. It was my "go to" thing. Whether I was on the net, or just in my own head gathering my imagination up for my next story, yes I liked writing. In fact, that is what brought me to this point.

I mused among my thoughts for hours, finally realizing the time was midday and I needed still to take care of gathering all of these things for my new "home". I brought my thoughts of this back to the forefront and gathered my things. Keys? Check. Wallet? Check. Cellphone? Check. I thought about calling my siblings, but then I thought better of it. It's not like they called me when I became a priest, how they lived their lives was likely the main reason. I didn't fit into their world of perfect.

As I stepped out of the door and locked it, I turned swiftly to head to the elevator and SLAM! My hand swiftly landed on my forehead, wondering who it was I'd nearly trounced with my clumsiness. I looked down and smiled broadly, "Well fancy meeting you here?" The brown-eyed boy looked up at me, awestruck again, I guessed.

"Oh.. S-sorry Fath.." he cut himself short," Michael."

I almost winced as he nearly called me father. There was nothing I could do in my head to draw back from that mindset any further than I already had. "Hello again, Alex, was it?" I slipped right back into that habit as if it was first nature and not second. I always had a quirk about acting as if I didn't know who someone was unless I met them more than a handful of times. It was my way of being off-handed and seemingly distant from the world, to keep it distant from me.

"Sorry, again actually. I really should take better care of where I'm stepping. It's kind of lonely up here sometimes.", I stated with a jovial tone and used my hand to indicate my height over his. That part of me didn't die either I see. My need to exert my dominance over others. I shook my head a little at myself. If people knew what I really had gone through my head when I spoke to them, I truly would have no friends.

"Are you heading out for the day?", he finally thought to ask.

Of course, I'm heading out captain obvious, I thought to myself.

"Actually yes, I needed to get some things for the apartment. Essentials you know?" I smiled knowing it would be impolite to not despite what was really going through my head.

"Well, if you want company, I'm not doing anything at the moment. I can come with?" He offered and my eyes narrowed a little bit at his bluntness. I never was the trusting kind, but then again that comes along with a long time string of bad choices that I've made in my life.

"Sure, if you aren't busy and have the time why not?" , I said in my friendly tone, which most perceived as condescending when I wasn't a priest because let's face it, I usually was.

"I'm sorry I never made it over to your place last night." He said with sincerity, which was rare in this neck of the stone woods I called home, as did millions of others.

"That's actually quite alright Alex, I just wound up passing out on my couch soon as I got there until this morning," I answered.

"I still would like to take you up on that offer though if you want me to come over though, after today of course?" He looked at me this time almost hopeful, like a child wanting its parent to pick it up and I thought to myself, isn't he adorable. Waiting on him to enter the elevator, I held my arm on the door to keep it open for him.

"You know Alex, I think I'd like that." As soon as I'd said it, I felt that pull again. It wasn't the boy though, it was something inexplicable.

"Then it's a date!" He said and I saw him visibly blush now. It was endearing. He was likely not aware of my own sexuality as I never gave off any kind of vibe I was told. In my past, I was known as a player, and I attracted both sexes equally.

"A date is it not, but a scheduled, unscheduled visit, it is," I stated firmly, but I still gave him my warmest smile.

We stepped out of the elevator as it reached the ground floor and walked back out into the warmth of the spring sun and the cacophony that was New York.

Author's Note:

If you like it vote and comment. If you are curious you are always welcome to message me directly for more information.

Why is Michael drawn to Alex?
What is the voice he's speaking of?
What are the secrets he's hiding?