When we first started dating, I expected something completely different. I expected us to last longer than this, I expected to be bored of you, and I expected the break up to be mutual. However, that wasn't the case.
We had too many fights.
We had too many problems.
And you couldn't handle me anymore.
I ended up dumping you. Now, before you go off and say, Yeah she dumped me, she didn't like me, i'm oh so heartbroken. Literally five minutes after I broke up with you, I told you I was willing to get back together, and you said no.
So why did I even bother breaking up with you when I wanted to be with you? Good question. I was doing you a favor. You couldn't dare dump me because you couldn't see me cry. Well, that's what you told me, and I am aware of how that is complete bullshit. You just didn't want to break up with me because you didn't want all the eyes turned on you when it was over and I was crying on everyone's shoulder.
But you see, I did feel sympathy for you. That's why I did it. Or at least that's what I like to think. I get irrational when I am emotional, so I may have just done it out of fear. But I always like to think I have a better reason than that because who wants to look like they dumped their boyfriend out of fear.
You were also stressed and depressed. During our relationship, I always thought it was me, and by the time we broke up, you'd be doing a little happy dance like all the time and you would've been fine. But from what our friends say, I realise that you aren't happier or less stressed. Maybe they're faking it for me, or maybe it's true. I want you to be better. I feel so useless not being able to talk to you and help you. If you ever somehow come across this, please talk to me, I want you to be better.
I don't think breaking up did either of us good. We're both sad, you're stressed and I need you. If only you allowed me to talk to you I'd be telling you about the 100 things going on during my day and I wouldn't be feeling this heartache all the time.
I remember when talking to you was one of the highlights of my day. I was able to tell you everything. Now everything that comes out of my mind and into your hands hurts you. You blocked me out of your life and now I'm struggling to get back on my feet without your help. I love you and I miss you so fucking much.
Please don't take this as a cry to get back together (although it kind of is). Being best friends with you would be amazing, and it is literally all I ask for from you. You may find it awkward because I still love you. But truth is, if you truly love someone the love never dies, it just becomes small enough to forget about.
sincerely, me.
//a.n. I was being extremely emotional, and I know that I'm still young and everything is still puppy love. But still, emotions affect everyone.//
YOU ARE READING
help i'm drowning in confusion
Non-Fiction// a story about me and what I am feeling //
