Sesshomaru x Kagome

Chapter 33: Plans

Exhaustion filled him.

The day felt as if it had been too long and all he wanted was to be with his children. He wanted to hold them and Kagome, to let the annoyance and frustration fade in their presence as it always did. It was a comfort to hold his children and to watch Kagome care for all their children.

It was so different to see her care for their children where he had seen others hand off their children for the servants to raise in their stead. He was happy that his own children would have him and their mother at their side as they grew up.

Walking the halls, he was greeted by gentle music that filled him with pride. Closer and closer, Sesshomaru knew that Kagome was playing the koto for their children as she had taken to do when they were all fussy for some reason or another.

Kagome believed that their children remembered her playing in her womb and knew it to be a source of comfort for all.

Which was true since he had found it to be comforting to listen when she played. Even though the music was sad and told of Kagome's pain under his care. The reflection of her emotions within her music told him that he was not succeeding in giving Kagome what she needed.

Even if it meant that they would not have a breeding or heaven sessions when they were in his bed together. He missed the feel of her naked skin against his own and feeling his release within her. But she refused to give him her body so he was forced to respect her desire to be without his touch. It was so hard for him when he had been able to touch her, see to her release has he had before and he knew that she felt the touch of lust now that she was no longer pure as she had once been.

Walking into the music room, he was forced to push the arousing thoughts of Kagome in his bed from his mind. He would not break the promises that he had made to her. He would do everything that he could to be everything that Kagome needed.

The sight before him only confirmed to him that he could not live without Kagome.

For the sight of her playing the koto for their sleeping children was too important for him to ever let it go. It was too much for him to resist, seeing her there playing so beautifully.

He went to her side knelled down and gently caressed her cheek. She stopped at the sudden touch but did not otherwise move; she just stared down at the koto as he continued to caress her cheek because he wanted her to look at him. He needed her to look at him.

But she did not look at him, she just stared at the musical instrument. It only lasted for so long though and then those ocean blue eyes were looking at him. How it made him feel sick.

The fear within her eyes was so different from the anger that were usually there for him. He did not want to see the fear, he wanted the anger or the love but not the fear. It teared at him to see it there in her eyes. Sesshomaru knew that he was the one that had given her that fear yet he knew not how to take it away from her.

It chocked him like hands that were determined to end him and all he could mutter was "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" she whispered. "What are you sorry for?"

Staring into her eyes, it felt almost as if whip sliced across his back when he saw her pain. How could he take all that pain away? How could he heal her from all this? But all he could was wrap his arms around her and answer her question "Everything."

She struggled in his arms but she was no match for his strength. She was prisoned by his arms and struggled so desperately to be free of him. Yet, he knew that he could not let her go in that moment, he needed to hold her, to have her close to him.