Doors Close, Windows Open

What I Didn't Know Then

Where there is love, there is pain. Proverb

Forgive, let go, and move on. Good advice, hard to follow, I thought as got in my car and tuned the radio to a country station.  The whimsical melody of Garth Brooks' The Dance invited me to sing along.

Looking back, on the memory of

The dance we shared 'neath the stars above

For a moment all the world was right

How could I have known

that you'd ever say goodbye?

And now...

I'm glad I didn't know,

the way it all would end,

the way it all would go...

Our lives...

are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain...

but I'd of had to miss the-uh dance.

I met Craig in a leadership development class.  As a junior trainer in the Corporate Learning department, I was sitting in on a course I'd eventually be leading.  He was in the course because sales managers were required to attend the course.  I sang aloud with the final refrain:

Our lives...

are better left to chance

I could have missed the pain...

but I'd of had to miss the-uh dance.

I noticed Craig immediately during participant introductions. Cupid's arrow hit its mark dead on.  My stomach churned in little knots every time he spoke in class. My heart beat faster when he glanced my way, sending a warm flush across my face.  He'd commented on my great tan, a rarity for those of us in the north during February.  There I was, twenty-eight, in a full on schoolgirl crush.  I'd planned opportune run-ins during breaks, interjecting not-so-subtle flirting into our banter.  In a moment of audacity fueled by lust, I'd invited him to join my and my coworkers for our 'regularly scheduled' happy hour at the local sports bar. He would never know how hard I had lobbied my colleagues for this outing to create an opportunity to be with Craig in a social setting. 

I'd spent the early part of that evening watching the door, hoping... waiting.  About two hours later, he walked in.  My coworker Lynne said the next day, "you two were like moths to a flame; from the minute he walked in the bar, you locked into each other and forgot all about the rest of us!" 

That night, Craig and I had talked about philosophy, politics, and life.  Loves won and lost, lessons learned. I could never remember exactly what was said, but would recall the green of his eyes and the way the little brown flecks embedded in the green of his iris reflected under the neon lights.  I had been mesmerized by the way his lips moved when he spoke.  

Craig worked out of the Milwaukee field sales office, was eight years my senior, and had gotten divorced two years before we met.  He and his ex-wife Gail shared custody of a four-year old daughter, Gabriella.  Saying good-bye on the last day of the class, we agreed to stay in touch, which we did by swapping jokes and company gossip via e-mail.  He returned to the corporate training facility a month later for the second half of the training.  On the last night of that second session, subtle flirting and passionate longing progressed to blissful fulfillment in his hotel suite. 

As we said uncomfortable goodbyes in the parking lot the next day, we agreed to bridge the hundred thirty mile distance between our homes and try to make a long-distance romance work.  This was not without challenges.  He usually had Gabriella on weekends and didn't feel that it would be right to introduce me until we were more of a stable "thing".  Six months into our romance, the weekend before Christmas, he agreed it was time for his "girls" to meet.  I'd been nervous about meeting his "Daughter Darling Sweetheart."