A conversation with myself

Break

It seems that I haven't written anything in a while.
Today is the last day of my spring break and honestly I'm kinda glad. I've never been a fan of being home. Usually you'd expect for someone to feel comfortable at home but I can't say I can relate.
I am glad I had a break from certain people and school. I spent time with other people when I was able to and didn't completely isolate myself.

That it itself is surprising to me. Had this been last year I probably would've went m.i.a until I showed up back at school. Times have changed I guess. I've done a lot of thinking this week. About myself and people. I've noticed that I apparently showcase myself in such a way that people see someone that is a bit different than who I really am

Not saying that I'm fake but I guess some people just really don't know me. My biggest pet peeve would be when people think they do. There is only a few selective people who can say something to that and I wouldn't be bothered. I'm not a bad person. People generally think I'm a nice and caring person. Which to me is great. I love when people think of me or associate me with positive connotations.

Yet, I do recieve some bad comments. I'm only human. There will be people out there who don't always agree with what others say. In all honesty, I don't necessarily let myself be discouraged by these people. Usually because I know that they that they thought they knew my character but in reality they were far from it.

Not saying I'm not actually a kind and caring person but I'm also honest. I've been teaching myself to not let others get to me. I've been stopping myself from letting toxic relationships continue to affect me. I know I don't deserve taking people's crap and I'm not responsible for anyone or their emotions.

I know that I can be harsh sometimes but those times are rare. I don't usually enjoy acting out of pettiness or my emotions because I know that it isn't the greatest choice for me. But they are emotions. Emotions we all have. Sometimes they get the better of ourselves. I just wish people didn't only see the flaws of a person.

You see, because eventually who people think you are becomes expected. If you're a rash and mean person people will only think of you that way. They'll expect you to do something mean.
Yet, if you're nice and honest they'll expect you to always be nice. They eventually take that for granted. Request becomes demand. Questions become statements. If you step out of line from what they think of you they'll call you out.

I am not a bad person but I am flawed. I do understand this. I am human and I always remind try to remind myself that I should be treated as such. When people begin to expect me to always be nice and let things slide then I know they are just one of those people who will probably not be friends with me for long. Its unfortunate to cut ties. I wish I could get along with people. I enjoy leaving a good memory with someone.

I know that won't always be the case. I do wish that people do learn to realize they they don't know things about someone until they ask. They can't make statements thinking that "I know them well enough" because usually the case is they don't.

Anywho, just felt like I should write something. Until next time :)