CHOCOLATE Prayers

V

She'll never like you...

How could she?

A depressed Asian kid who's life is fucked up...

Kill yourself...

The razor struggled to cut my skin. I hissed in pain as the blood trickled off my arm onto the floor. What was I thinking? How could she like me? we're way too different.

I don't even like her like that I just thought she was very. interesting. I got a wet towel and alcohol to clean myself up. I went to the other room to check on my mom. I saw my mom shake from the pain she was in.

"Mom? You okay?" I stared at her fragile body. she slowly nodded, I exited the room and sat downstairs on my living room sofa.

I hate seeing mom like this. we ran away from Korea because dad was beating on my mom and me, so we got our passports and left. mom didn't even care if she had to start over or that she didn't have a dollar in her name, she sacrificed being a rich housewife with no worries, for an old house, but, a safe place for her and I to stay while she worked. I've never seen my mom work so hard in my life. I was 11 then, now I'm 16, mom has some horrible type of bone cancer that makes her whole body ache, just to move her thumb.

I hate living but the only reason I haven't put a bullet through my skull is my mom. I'd die and kill for her, I don't care what situation. My doorbell chimed so I got up to answer the door. I look through the peephole to see Austin. I opened the door.

"Wassup, man?" he walked in with a rose in his hand.

"Who's that for?" I asked he sat it on the kitchen counter.

"Your mom," He said.

"Bro, I've told you, you don't have to do that for her," I said and sat on the sofa.

"Dude, I do it because I like your mom before she got sick, she was so nice to me, so why not return the favor with a simple rose." He sat next to me grabbing the control.

I pulled my phone to see Jazlyn texted me.

𝕁𝕒𝕫: 𝕚𝕤 𝔸𝕦𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖??😒
𝕄𝕖: 𝕪𝕖𝕒.
𝕁𝕒𝕫: 𝕥𝕙𝕟𝕩𝕩👍

"Jazlyn is looking for you," I told Austin he turned his attention to me.

"I know she's trying to break up with me for that Lesbian girl." He ran his hand through his hair.

"Then break up with her, I'm sure you have plenty of hoes," I said and he groaned.

"Jazlyn is like the best thing that's ever happened to me, even my parents like her, my parents would hold us breaking up against me the rest of my miserable life." He said and I rolled my eyes when he said "miserable" when his life was basically perfect.

Once again, my doorbell chimed but this time Jazlyn walked in with an angry expression on her face.

"Why do you do this to me Austin? You obviously don't love me because if you did you wouldn't fuck around with other bitches behind my back." She rambled and he got up and grabbed her hands, she tried to snatch away.

"Babe I'm sorry I did it but to be honest it was only one girl that I actually had sex with and every other were just toys at the time. I do love you and I want you to forgive me this one time, please." I saw Jazlyn search his eyes for lies, and I guess she couldn't find any because she kissed him.

"You better do right Austin, I love you and I've been with you too long for you to fuck up now." She rested her head on his chest.

"You wanna go on a date tonight? Just me and you?" Austin kissed her hand and I rolled my eyes to myself. This guy is such a dork but he does love Jazlyn.

The said goodbye to me and I just sat in the dark, thinking to myself trying to fight with my demons about not grabbing the kitchen knife and doing one quick stroke across my neck. God help me, I gotta go to work in an hour so I decided to start getting ready. I'm a receptionist at a tattoo shop. I grabbed my car keys and begun to leave until I remembered I had to write mom a poem. I write her a poem every day before I go to work to let her know that I love her.

𝒟𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝓂𝑜𝓂,

𝒜𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝒶𝓊𝓉𝒾𝒻𝓊𝓁 𝒶𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓊𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝓈𝓅𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒶𝓈 𝓅𝓇𝑒𝒸𝒾𝑜𝓊𝓈 𝒶 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝓂𝑜𝓃𝒹 𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔.

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁 𝐼'𝒹 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓊𝓃𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒹𝒾𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝓌𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃 𝐼'𝒹 𝒹𝑜 𝒶𝓃𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝑒𝓍𝒸𝑒𝓅𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎.

𝑀𝓎 𝓊𝓃𝒾𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓈𝑒 𝓂𝓎 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇, 𝒾𝒻 𝒾𝓃 𝓃𝑒𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝒹 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒.

𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝑜𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓌, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑔𝓇𝑜𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓁𝓀 𝑜𝓃 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝓂𝑜𝓂..

𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒, 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓈𝑜𝓃 𝒞𝒶𝓇𝓉𝑒𝓇.

I put the poem on the counter because I know as soon as I leave she tries to do for herself even though she doesn't have to. I walked outside and looked across the street to see Tasia-Marie. That's weird, I didn't even notice we lived right across the street from each other. She looked at me and waved with excitement, I chuckled and waved back. I got into my ford explorer and drove to my job.

"I don't like Tasia-Marie Smith, I don't like Tasia-Marie Smith," I repeated to myself. I don't like her as I said before, we're too different, she's just a friend, nothing more, nothing less. 

I drove to Inked Gods pulling up right on time before I'm late. I put my phone on vibrate and walked into the building. I greeted my boss and sat at the front desk. This job was boring but it pays great so it's worth it with all the medical bills we have to pay. I looked at my phone and saw I had a text from Tasia-Marie.

ℂ𝕙𝕠𝕔𝕠𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖: 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕒 𝕘𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕕𝕒𝕪
𝕄𝕖: 𝕤𝕠 𝕨𝕖𝕚𝕣𝕕
ℂ𝕙𝕠𝕔𝕠𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖: 𝕚𝕞 𝕓𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕖 𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕖𝕣
𝕄𝕖: 𝕠𝕜 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕦 𝕤𝕒𝕪

I locked my phone and smiled to myself, she's pretty great...For a friend