Magician's Desire (Hisoka X Reader) [NOT FLUFF]

chapter eight

It had been a few days since your little date with Leoreo. You were currently practicing nen by extending your nen whip in and out. You suddenly stop and let the nen dissolve. You look back at your bed, so similar to the one you were raped on. You fall onto your butt, sulking.
You struggle to hold back sobs as flashbacks blink by in your head, bringing you back to the dreaded feeling of it. Your eyes widen in fear as you feel his aura on the other side of the door. He was listening. Forcing yourself to hold back your cries, you hide your face in your hands, hoping that he wouldn't bother you.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
"I'd recommend letting me in." He threatened.
You couldn't take it anymore. You throw back your head and caterwaul, tears streaming down your face. The unending anguish wouldn't disappear, as flashbacks after flashback returned to your head, a barrage of painful memory attacking you.
"Leave me alone!" You sob.
" Please... "
He opens the door, stepping into your room, uninvited.
"Just leave me alone..." You whisper, burying your head in your hands.
Hisoka stared down at the small girl before him. She quaked and trembled as she cried, slightly melting Hisoka's ice cold heart. He didn't know why he did it, but he sat next to her and pulled her into a warm embrace, something he had never presented to someone before.
But why was he doing this? Why do this girl's feelings matter to him. He didn't know. But there was something about the way she cried. This cry was different the the one he had heard from her before. No, this one was full of heart wrenching pain and agony.
She flailed and fought against him, but eventually fell against him in exhaustion.
"Hisoka..." She whimpered.
" why have you done this to me? " she whispered, pushing her face into his chest.
He was her only source of comfort at the moment, the heart crushing feelings were keeping her from thinking straight.
Her question was a very good one. Why had he done what he did? Because it felt good? Well... Yes, but there was another reason he couldn't quite put his finger on. But what came out of his mouth next surprised him. He was not in control.
"I'm sorry." He said softly, holding her against him.
This wasn't right. He wasn't nice. He wasn't sweet and loving. He was sick and perverted. He was psychotic and twisted... Right? Isn't that what he was? A creep? That was what he heard all the time. And he NEVER said sorry.
So what was wrong? Why was he acting this way? Y/n was so different. How could she make him act like this? Y/n eventually fell asleep from mental exhaustion, breathing softly as she nuzzled against him in her sleep. His icy heart melted a tiny bit more. She was so cute.
She needed time. She needed time to recover from the mental abuse she was being out through. Then... A feeling Hisoka rarely felt bloomed in the pit of his stomach. Guilt. He hated this feeling. Guilt. It was so overwhelming it hurt, and nothing he could do would stop it.
He suddenly really was sorry. Nothing was worse then this feeling. It gnawed at the back of his stomach, like an aching ghost of pain. Like it wasn't really there but it still hurt. But why? Why did he feel so terrible about what he did? When it felt so good at the time? When he never had any regrets about it until this very moment?
He gently stroked her beautiful h/c hair, softly smiling at her sleeping face. She looked so peaceful in her slumber, her stunning e/c eyes hidden by her eyelids. Her thick lashes fanned out over her her cheeks, her face ever so angelic. How could he ever hurt her? The guilt expanded, magnifying the pain.
He closed his eyes and sighed. He laid her in her bed and left her, the dreaded feeling of guilt lingering. He strolled down the halls, of course bumping into Gon and Killua. They questioned him, but he sighed and brushed them off. He didn't care for them at the moment. They couldn't feel his pain.