HEY! it's a warning!! I also conclude other languages such as Malay. Maybe a bit of French? or Spanish? Japanese? Ain't sure yet. Sorry!
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Why am I so afraid of attachments now. Like if I get too attached, nanti I akan macam. Idk dude, Imma lose that person again. You know what I'm sayin? Like, I knew this would be temporary and that is why I am afraid of that. I'm truly afraid. Kiranya macam deepest fears jugaklah (2. trypophobia, 3. Spiders but whatever).. Im afraid that I would never be this happy again. This happiness you're giving me is amazing. I could feel it, ya know. Physically feel it. It's like I've never been hurt before.
I can feel this types of emotions sometimes je, bukan all the time. Because, everytime I do, I'm reminded that I am never going to be your first choice no matter what. I'm so so scared. I'm scared that one day, you are going to wake up and realize that I'm not the person you are looking for. I am not the one you want. I'm not "it". Well I do have various flaws, quite a lot honestly I wouldn't even ask myself why you wouldn't want me. I curse a lot, I treat some of my family members like shit. Im an idiot. I speak before I think etc. Im afraid that people, you, would leave me because you do not like what I am doing. You do not like how I act. You do not like the way I behave. Well guess what, hun, I CAN CHANGE. I Love You enough to change myself for you so please. Tell me if there is anything that I can change for you. You should. Pendam dapat apa je. You know what, I'm terrified that one day, you would leave. I am sorry that you are close to me now. I am sorry that I am the one you love right now and I really hope that you wouldn't regret us. Sometimes your attitude towards me makes me question your love. Do you even love me? maybe you did, maybe you didn't. I guna past tense. Yeah. But sometimes when you are really in your mood. Gosh baby, you make me the happiest person alive. It's so so suffocating talking to you knowing that I should be happy but I am not because I am afraid to get attached again. Because once I do, the is NO going back. Ever. Just like I did with my exes. You told me you are different, I'm holding your word on that.
Because if I do, open up to you. Please don't break me again, I am not strong enough. Please, I am too afraid now. Once my heart opens up and falls for you, there is no going back. Trust me. I can't turn back time. I'm so, so sorry. This is surely going to be temporary, because I'm starting to think that I am cursed and I shouldn't be happy.
YOU ARE READING
Dear Diary
Short StoryThis is just my honest ramblings and inner thought. I would feel so so appreciated if there are any of you that can relate. Love yall!
