Dear Diary

14 september 2018

Hey morning peeps!! nah sunflower🌻. Because I takde boyfriend so I nak wish sweet sweet dekat sini. Goodmorning baby! I harap you bangun dengan bersemangat! Lepastu nanti minum milo tau hehe baru ceriaaaa bertenagaaaa, sepanjang hari di mana sajaa. Hehehe <3. Don't forget to mandi wangi wangi tau. Slay boi slay!! Das my boi. You're soooo cute urgh I wanna squish your cheeks. Ya ampun, is dat ma boi? Eeeekkkkkk hella heart eyes baby. 😍😍. I doa you have a really nice day today. I hope it'll be rainbows and cookies sweetheart! I doakan yang apa yang you doakan time you solat semalam termakbul okay b? Jangan lupa makan sebab das important af. You tak makan tahula nanti :/. Last but not least jangan lupa solat okay baby. Loveyou!
🌼🌼🌼

Murphy's Law
"Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong"

16/6
- He became my boyrfriend. Cara dia mintak tu is honestly, the cutest. Cutest kalau jenis text la e. He sent me a picture saying "Can you be mine? For real this time?" I still have it in my phone tbh. Starred chats are still there. I never deleted any important messages to me. Kenapa aku simpan, you're asking? It reminds me, how loving someone can be to me sometimes. How sweet I can be when I'm loved. How good I look in pictures when I'm hyped up. How flirty I am even in a relationship. How cute I can be sometimes with someone as dumb as me.

14/9
- We broke up. He finally did it. He finally let me go. After a series of girlfriends and none broke up sebab dia yang lepaskan. Finally I'm the first. Should I be honoured? I didn't break my promise. I won. But what did I lose? everything. Aku dah tak trust orang. I have anxiety issues tahap mental patients 1876. Jk! ada je yang lagi teruk dari aku, aku tahu aku kena bersyukur. Ni sikit je. I really do love him so much. I ada album khas untuk dia kot.

16/11
- Welp someone made a comeback. No not him. Someone else. This guy pernah try I before tapi time tu I tak move on lagi. Ni pun I tak move on lagi. :'( . This boy likes me pulak. Apa ayat dia? "time tu memang I crush kat you. Now I dah fall in love with you" ah sudah. So yeah, I accepted him. Jangan blame aku cakap perempuan cepat move on. Kalau aku lambat move on pun. Dia datang balik ke? Tak kan. I need to go on with my life. Guess what, fun fact: Tarikh babe atas tu 16/6. Then this boy came to me on the same exact date. 16/11. Coincidence? Idk let's see man.

25/10
- Remember R? Ofcourse not aku tak pernah cerita about dia lagi. He's my ex. Time I 13. Lol lama kan. 4 years ago. Siapa kata I cepat move on. It's been 4 years tapi I'm still secretly hoping dia datang balik. How complicated I am? level 999 don't try me. Guess what. He's with A (nama perempuan tapi dirahsiakan) now. Fun fact: She's my bestfriend. She knows yang aku tak move on lagi. She knows how close I am with him. She knows how much aku sayang R ni. But still, wow.. Secretly behind my back dia orang selalu jumpa. Lunch la movies la. God. I can't stop her anyway. He's not mine. Highkey wanting her to be happy with her desicion and wanting to help her. Lowkey sakit jugaklah. Fml guys.

I do have family issues btw, but mood fed up ni. Give up habis. ajshskshsks. No, my life tak 100% about boys, do not worry peeps.

6/12
- Remember the boy yang try I on 16th tu? Okay I bagi nama dia P. This one is about P. I like him. Yes I know ada je fault aku dekat dia. Banyak kali aku banding dia dengan ex I before him tu. Sorry baby. But I do have one question for you. Your answer would prolly (probably tau) be "Idk :/" or "tah :/" or "maybe not". That is why I'm writing this here. ARE YOU WORTH IT?. I.. don't know either. I can't give you up now. Fif kata maybe you couple dengan I sebab your friends ada buat bet. I don't want to lose. I don't lose bets. That's not me :p. I won my bet with F ( ex before dia ni la lmao banyak sangat huruf aku pening). I didn't let him go. He did. I promised you baby I wouldn't ket you go did I. I'm not going to break a promise. Not now. Not ever.
- Yes you ada told me you bukan jenis sweet and all that more to dry and what. Well to be honest you don't need to be. Just be normal. Don't change that. Be yourself. I love you just as you are. 10 more days babe!! We can do this. For someone who doesn't want to lose me, you don't look like you want to keep me. You've told me stories before. You make it seem like you were hurted badly by your exes. They left you. Played you. But baby, can't you see. You've hurted them first. You can't see that don't you. People do rarely realize their mistakes. Ego you lagi. Believe me, you can't handle me.

9/12
- We broke up. Selang berapa hari je sia wtf. HAHAHAHAHAHA. He lost his feelings towards me, just like that. Not going to lie, this hurts as fuck. Imagine for 2 days kena palau. He literally saw my messages but didn't even bother to reply to either of it. Last seen bergerak tu yang sakit weh. Bluetick lagi. Lepastu tutup bluetick. Bijak dia ni. Lepastu suddenly habis kerja part time dia tu. 2 A.M like that. He called me. Honestly yes aku stay up every night till 2/3 A.M sebab tunggu dia balik part time. Time tu cuti. Even if dia ignore aku. Aku tunggu sebab I have this habit of calling someone every night. Kalau tak aku tak boleh tidur. Mengada. Aku tahu. So aku dengan dia memang call every night sampai tidur. Sampailah time dia ignore aku tu we stopped. So imagine after a few days of ignoring suddenly 2 A.M call aku. Aku excited gila weh sebab oh gos aku rindu his voice. So so much. Nak menangis time tu sebab rindu. Smitten. I know. So when I picked up the call. He asked "You buat apa tu". I answered yang I tengah tunggu dia la. He was like "Oh, dah makan?". Then I replied belum. Sebab I takde selera. Then dia just cam "Oh, em you. I rasa I takboleh go lah dengan relay ni". Time tu I rasa yang my blood drained from my body. Sejuk satu badan. Then dia end call. I terus chat. At the same time I called my bestfriend. H. (girl). Sambil nangis I call dia cerita. P ni kata dia dah tawarhati. Macam tu je. Where did I go wrong? I tried asking. Was I worth it? He said yes. I asked "Was I enough?" He said "For me, yes". Yet you still left. I told you, you can't handle me.
🌼🌼🌼

For those yang tak faham. This I what I salin balik from my diary.Dates dia memang bercampur sikit sebab I tak sistematic. HAHAH. Sorry hehe. ;)