Beautiful Scars: Breaking Free (Christian Romance)

Chapter seventeen

Mary.....
We got to the apartment with two other men.
"Go in first. We'll come after ten minutes or when we're sure no suspicions we're made." Luke said to me.
"Marcus, you stay here and keep watch."
I came down from the car and went to the apartment. Almost about fifteen minutes later, Luke and Jock came in.

"Why don't we look for perfect angles if you know what I mean." Luke said smirking as he patted me on the shoulder.
"There isn't any perfect angle..."He said looking around the apartment.
"The book shelf." He said as he walked to it.
"Jock, get behind the book shelf and turn the lights to the kitchen off.  And I'll be in there, listening from your bedroom." He walked to my bedroom and turned the lights off. He pushed the door open a little.
"And make sure your loud, I need to hear everything." he said as he stuck his head out through the door.

I sat on the couch and took a deep breath in and out as I pleaded in my heart that something would come up and stop John from coming. Maybe work? Or something....... I probably shouldn't have told him the complete truth..... It wouldn't make things easier. But then again it felt right letting him know.

As we waited, about ten minutes later I heard a knock on the door.
My heart dropped as I reached for the door. I wished it wouldn't be him but-
"Hey" he said as I opened the door. There he was, that gorgeous smile, speaking of which began fading away.
"Are you okay? " He asked.
"Yeah, yeah" I said suddenly realising I didn't smile back. But I'm trying to save him right?
I stepped back letting him in. He tried to hug me but I pushed him back.
"Hey, are you sure you're okay? " He asked worried.
"I'm fine, John. I just wanted to tell you, we......that we can't do this" The words coming out like daggers, not just to his heart but to mine too.
"What do you mean we can't-"
"We just can't! Okay."
"Whoa Mary....what is it?  You can tell me anything you know that, did Luke do something to you?"
"No that's....It has nothing to do with him"
"Then why are you trying to push me away, again? It's Luke, isn't it?"

I took a quick glanced at Jock and saw the gun head stick out beside a book. I tried my possible best to push down any tear coming up.
"No... I said it's not Luke, this has nothing to do with Luke" I sighed.
"Then tell me, what is it" He stepped closer and placed his hand on my cheek. As he caressed, I hesitated before pushing his hand away.
I have to let him go or I'll have myself to blame.
"We can't and you know it. Why can't you just leave me alone!"
He was taken aback by my tone. Hurt obvious in his eyes. He looked at me confused.
"Just tell me, please, what is it?  You love me, I love you. What, what can't work?"
"Us John! Us, we can't, we can't work!  You'll find someone else-"
"someone else? don't you realize that I'm in love with you?!"
"Well I'm not John."
"What do you mean you're not, that night you said-"
"I said what I thought I felt but I realized I didn't. I said what I wanted to feel but didn't."
"I don't, I don't understand-"
"just leave John, leave" I said desperate for this to end with him being okay.
"Why would I just-"
"just go John! Just go!  Okay! I lied about my feelings and I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight."
He took another step closer reaching for my arm.
"Don't touch me!" I yelled pushing him back.
"What is it? Mary...I" he stuttered, hurt, looking at me desperate for answers.
"What don't you understand.... I don't love you. I could give you back the necklace if you want it back...." I'm being too cruel! I couldn't stop even if I wanted to.

"No, J-just keep it" he said. My heart clenched as I saw somewhat tears form in his eyes.
"Just don't ever call me or try to contact me again okay? And please don't try to do anything stupid." I said pretending to ignore his hurt.
"What is it? what are you not telling me?!"
"Nothing John! Okay just please leave! Come on get out, get out!"
"This isn't you Mary-"
"well I guess you didn't know me then. Just go, go! And don't come back." I said looking down.
"I won't." My heart dropped hearing those words.
"You know I've being trying to figure you out since day one and when I thought I finally did, I realized that I didn't and probably never will. Either ways, I still love you.... Just know that. You could have at least had some sympathy for a broken heart. Good bye Mary." With that he left slamming the door.
I couldn't control the tears any more. Did he actually believe me? That was the plan but.....He should have showed more doubt at least but, I wanted him safe right? Please God let him know that I didn't mean anything I said. After everything we've been through...But he's okay right? Right?