Back To You

Chapter 1

It was over. Kimura wouldn't even look in my direction. Seeing him flirt with Alice made it even worse. Just the thought of it made me want to throw up.

I had never really cried over a boy before, but I really loved Kimura, and him leaving me without a word broke my heart to pieces. The tears just broke out of my eyes every damn evening of that summer.

Where did I go wrong? What did I do? Was it about the way I look? About my hobbies? Or the fact that I had kissed guys before? I had no idea.

Kimura had blocked me and the only communication between us was in group works at school. Not even the last one, cause it was summer. And a really hot one on top of that.

I tried to keep myself as occupied with my part-time job as I could in order to stop thinking about Kimura, and wanting his arms around me once more, feel the scent of his honey shampoo, and.... And I started crying again. Dammit.

Thinking about Kimura made me wonder, if there would ever be a time when I could believe in love again.. What was this thing called 'love' anyway? Was it really love or just a fear of being alone?

I was now certain that the saying "first love never lasts" was completely accurate.

The pain got worse every day until I decided to text my friend from Moscow, who had taken psychology lessons in University, and ask about the fastest way to get over a broken heart. He told me that the best way is to find someone new and fall in love again.

How on Earth was I supposed to do that? First of all, I had just gotten heartbroken, how was I supposed to trust anyone, when they told me they loved me? Second of all, where was I supposed to find a guy? Okay, to be honest, that wasn't difficult for me, but I just didn't want to go through all that dating drama again.

After work I headed home and when I got there, I went straight to my room.

I found myself a notebook. Maybe if I tried to write about all of it, it'd make me feel better...

So there I was, trying to write about what had happened...

We went to the forest again. It had been a while since we had done that and mainly because he hadn't talked to me for a week.

We found ourselves a nice spot in the woods and he laid down on the ground, saying that he'll take a nap. I told him a random story and laid beside him.

Suddenly he rolled onto me and even though he weighed like 66 kilograms, he didn't seem heavy at all. He touched my nose with his and said, "nose". He did the same with chin and forehead, then looked at me, and laughed awkwardly, and told me not to ask about it. I smiled back and agreed. I felt happy.

He rested his chin on my shoulder and looked at the grass beside my head.

"I have understood that kissing is easy, like you just press your lips on the other party or something.." he stated.

I thought for a bit. It seemed kind of funny how we hadn't had our first kiss even though we had been dating for a month already.

"Yeah, it is," I answered him. He rose his head high enough to look at my face.

"Oh yeah? I bet you practiced it on Hideaki and Shihei, huh?" he said to me.

I turned my head onto my right side and answered, "I never kissed Hideaki..."

"But Shihei?"

I doubted for a moment. "No comments."

"Emilia, truth or dare?"

".....Dare"

"Next round pick truth. Your turn."

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Are you, by any chance, jealous?" I asked.

"Guess three times..."

"It's a yes or no question so I can only guess twice... And I think "yes" is the correct answer?"

"....truth or dare?"

"Truth," I said, knowing I had made a huge mistake.

"Have you kissed Shihei?"

"I have........"

Hearing that he pushed himself up to his knees and stated, "I have to go."

I went after him, trying to make it better but it didn't work, and so I understood it was over.

Writing it down had the opposite effect on my emotions, than what I had hoped for.

I started crying, remembering what it felt like to hold my hands around his neck while we were lying there on the green, and slightly chilly forest ground. Warm tears soaked my cheeks, and the notebook pages. I didn't make any sound while crying but my chest hurt, and it was hard to breathe. I still loved him.

Suddenly I heard my phone's notification sound. I took it into my hand, and opened it.

The person who had sent me a message was none other than Kiyoshi.

Kiyoshi was a guy from class B. We were actually best friends from the September until November. I did some really stupid things back then, like dating a guy while having a crush on another one, and then breaking hearts unreasonably... Maybe that was the reason I got hurt in the end myself. Karma.

Kiyoshi had actually sent me a picture of a meme he had found. I guess normal people would've thought of it as a weird way of approaching someone, but I didn't really mind, since it took my mind off of Kimura for at least a few moments.

Kiyoshi: How's life?

Me: It could be better..

Kiyoshi: Oh? Is everything alright?

Me: Well, if getting your heart broken before the end of the school year and then crying because of it every night for three months is considered as being 'alright' then yes, doing perfect, thanks for asking

Kiyoshi: Oof, that's harsh.. wanna talk about it?

Me: No, not really

Kiyoshi: Okay

He started to talk about some completely random things, and tried to keep my thoughts away from Kimura as much as possible. It made me smile. This side of him had been the whole reason he had been my best friend back then, and remembering it made me feel better.