Back To You

Chapter 8

Days passed but Christmas was still everywhere. It was still two more days till the New Years eve and I had driven across the country to my dad's place.

My dad's girlfriend noticed that something was different about me. She told me I looked more grown up and less grumpy than before, as if I had passed my puberty.

She always blamed every bad mood I happened to have on puberty, as if everything else in my life never mattered. To be honest, she was the last person I needed, to tell me that I was just a teen going to a stage where my hormones were running wild, which had made me snap at her a lot. After all, she was the person whom I hated the most in my life, but talking about that would need another book or two.

I told her that I had indeed gotten a boyfriend who lived near the capital city of this country.

Fun fact about Harvard and me... we actually met in person for the first time, at the very same time I just wrote about. Thus, the conclusion is that I was in a relationship with a guy I had never seen in real life, for the second time.

We had actually agreed to meet after the New Years on 5th of January but on 31th of December my father told me that he was going to get a haircut in the capital city in the afternoon, so I begged my daddy to take me with him. I mean of course I didn't tell him that the actual reason I wanted to join his trip was to meet my boyfriend. I just claimed to be bored at his house (and too annoyed by my little sister) so it would have been fun. He took me with him and I made plans with Harvard.

Harvard was really eager to come meet me when I said I was going to be in the city. "It doesn't matter if it's five hours or only thirty minutes we have, I would never miss a chance to meet up with my beloved girlfriend," he told me.

Oh how I had missed hearing somebody telling me they love me like that...

It was kind of strange to meet him though. Harvard was about 185cm tall, had lighter brown hair as well as big glasses with thin frames.

People with glasses were my type. I always felt like they were smart when I looked at them, even if that wasn't the reality. I liked to think how differently they can see the world. I used to even wonder if the glasses worked like filters when they looked at things, like maybe they made people only see either good or bad in the world, or maybe they were an extra pair of eyes to help them take in even more of this wonder and chaos around us. So in my mind people with glasses were either really loose and chill with life or bore a burden of it on they're shoulders. I loved to imagine those things.

He hugged me right away as I turned over to see him. It was so comforting, hugging a real person not just a pillow in my bed. The warmth of his body, that I felt taking me over through his shirt under the unzipped winter coat he was wearing, his hands on my back, chin on my shoulder... the first hug... the most precious one.

I might have acted a little too cold towards him out of nervousness and excitement but that was just because I was afraid that if I talk too much I might start speaking too fast and I intend to stutter with my words a lot so I tried to not say too many things.

Together with him the half an hour we were promised to, made a fast way to its end, which meant I had to go before my father saw me with a strange, handsome, young, two years my senior guy, hugging me at the lounge, wishing to not let go yet. I didn't want to leave either. I felt ecstatic as he wrapped his arms around me for the second time by the mall's exit in front of the perfume department, which's scent made me feel even dizzier. I wished to stop the time and forget the world. The world with Kimura and Kiyoshi as well as my dad, who was already impatiently calling me on the phone.

We let go of each other and I looked at Harvard. I felt happy and then guilty for being happy with some guy other than Kiyoshi. But I was so desperate. Desperate to fall for Harvard in order to forget Kiyoshi and Kimura. At that moment I wanted this to be more than just an attempt to show Kiyoshi how it is if I'm someone else's and make him realize his feelings, that I was sure he had for me. I just wanted to run away with Harvard. I felt guilty for not telling him my actual reasons, in the fear of his disapproval to my actions.

Thinking back on it now...I regret not telling him about it. Things might have ended differently for us. Maybe if I had told him, we could have worked it out together. And then our kiss, the first, unimaginably breathtaking, smashing, forget-your-life-in-a-moment kind of kiss, wouldn't have been a waste of a good memory in the street in front of a shopping mall in a city near my hometown on the 5th of January.

I recall that scene a lot in my head, even now, how in the end of our first official date on 5th of January, we stood in front of the big building, which people entered with nothing except for their wallet full of money and came out with shopping bags that included everything but a wallet full of money.

We hugged again to say goodbye for a monthlong period of time and even when we let go of each other and Harvard already taken a step away from me, our hands were still linked by the tips of our fingers as he looked into my eyes and I looked into his. Then suddenly he took my hand and stepped back towards me.

For a moment I thought that we were going to hug again but then I saw his face right in front of mine and his lips closing in as he kissed me. Our lips touched as if it was the most natural everyday thing for us, but still the whole world disappeared from around me and him as we repeatedly linked our lips together.

The first kiss.