Savior ◆ MinYoongi✔

thirty-four: Dusk

No one ever told me
That grief felt so
Like fear
-
C. S. Lewis

Yoongi's POV

I'm lost

A feeling I knew so fucking well but was able to surpress. Till now.

How could the death of a person I ignored for so many years affect me this much?

Maybe exactly this was the answer. Not being able so say goodbye before he left, not being able to say 'I love you' for the first and last time.

I felt as if I failed as a human.

I felt heartless and so fucking useless.

And I once again realized

that life hurts a lot more than death.

But although I felt as if the weight on my shoulders would kill me soon, as if the world would be dark and numb.

I wasn't able to cry. There was this well known emptiness that embraced me fully, once again.

I felt as if it choked me, strangled me until the last spark of life was pressed out of me.

And in all this depressive mess I found myself in, was only a single clear thought.

I wish you were here.

I'm not delusional. I knew my father would never come back.

But I wished he was there.

And at the sam time I wished she was here.

The beautiful angel, that had set my soul on fire when everything felt dull and monotonous.

I wished nothing but that she would do that again.

But I knew that wasn't possible, because my damn mind kept telling me, that I wasn't able to heal again. Or to love again. That I was damaged.

I've been damaged since the very first day. But the people around me kept shattering me into even smaller pieces.

I'm broken...

But...

Would you heal me?

Would you know how to do so?

Would you stand by my side even if I pushed you away?

Your POV

I haven't seen him again since that day.

It's been two months now and I tried to go on with my normal life.

Why did our happiness have to last so shortly?

I already knew life was a bitch but it now reached another level.