Confessions~ the unspoken voice

to my dad.

//I want each one of you to read, especially girls. Thank you :) //

Papa, you know I will turn 18 this year. Finally, I will be legally a woman. I don't remember, but you do when the first time I whispered 'pa-pa' and mumma immediately wanted to capture that moment for you, because you have been working so hard for us in the office whole day. That night after I slept and mumma narrated you the whole scenario. I know that kind of smile you had on your face. You know these 17 years of my life have been really grateful to you. You taught me how to make my first paddle, how to jump, run, play with you. And now, I m this grown.
I want you to sit silently today and know something, papa. Before you take my phone track my location or put up a GPS or tracking app on it, I want you to listen to me, once. You might think I don't why you do that but it's not for my safety, it's because you think I don't come home after school and tuitions. You don't let me call male friends because somewhere you feel insecure about me. Yes, I m your daughter. You know the world is bad. The eye women with lust. You order me to stay home after 5. You tell me not to go to petrol pump to get my activa filled. You don't let me hang out with friends on casual times. You keep me safe. You tell me not to call my friends after ten. You tell me to stay away from boys. You don't touch me, hug me, kiss me. You maintain a distance from me. Am I that bad, papa? Is my blood, which I shed each month that bad? According to you, you are keeping me safe, but papa I also want to live. I want to grow. I want to know how it feels like to talk late night. I want to know how it feels to hangout with friends. I want to know how it feels like making friends. I want to know this world. I know you are protecting me. But papa, that tracking app is just shattering my trust. You are making me feel the most unsafe cell on this Earth. You are making me feel a liability. We both know you will marry me off when I turn 23. Because it's planned. You told me that. Papa, if they cannot eye me in a good way, even in suit salwar then should I stop going out? If they follow me in evenings should I stop living? If they stalk me, call me, haunt me, blackmail me should I stop going to college? Was this really why mom and you decided to bring me here. Papa, I wish to live. I desire a man, to love me like you should have done. I want selfless, pure and surreal love. It makes me feel healed. It makes me happy. Is it bad to be happy and satisfied? Is it bad to love a man? Is it really bad? Am I really that bad, papa?
I will be almost 18 this year and you will keep a step back, once more. In all these years, I m already 17 yards away from you. I have started to feel I m that bad. Papa, but this bad girl still loves you like nothing. And she will always do. Because you have taught her to love people selflessly. Papa, one last request, if I m not allowed to leave the house without permission, please don't let Bhaiya go even. Because men are raped too. Just because women have vagina, that doesn't make them weak. It makes them truly strong to absorb all the pain, the wounds of this society. Men cannot win women. Because Both are equal. Thank you for listening me papa. I love you. :')

~