Tear In My Heart

7th Grade

Maya is laying across from you on your bed and it's easily two or three in the morning. You spend a lot of nights just sitting and talking but the thing is you really wouldn't trade it because she always seems to open up once it passes midnight. Her hair is even pulled back with a headband which you're grateful for because you can study every feature of her face.

"What do you mean?"

She has a smile on her face that's not full but only slight and her eyes are drifting up and down. You can't help but move a little closer because she has that tone that you love that she has when she tells you stories.

"You remind me of Riley. It's not just in the obvious ways like your eyes are filled with all this curiosity and optimism. And you both have that little curve when you smile." She raises her hand and lightly taps the corner of her lips to emphasize her point. You've seen pictures of Riley and heard stories of her and it's exciting to be compared to her. "It's not just like that, though. You make me smile on the days where I don't think I can like she did." Maya tells you things like this sometimes and each time it feels like you just found three of your mom's strawberry shortcake cookies on the counter and it wasn't even a birthday or holiday. "It sounds silly. I mean, I was eight when I actually saw her last, y'know? It's been pretty much five years. I still remember her, though, vividly. She was so much taller than me. Her hair was very smooth and it had this gorgeous shine that I used to be so jealous of. My hair was always so, so much thicker and far curlier than hers and, well, I was a mess compared to her in general. Her voice was soft and joyful. She always was out to make everyone happy; just like you. She always did make everyone happy; just like you again." Your eyes glance down while your cheeks burn. You can't help but wonder how Maya sees you in the ways that she does. "She and I were inseparable. Our mothers would dress us in the most expensive gowns that we would destroy outside in the dirt. 'The prettiest dresses for the prettiest girls,' they would tell us. We laughed at it." She laughs a little now and her laugh sounds like a million puppies playing except better. "When I found my father, she held my hand while I cried. I had just walked in on my father behind his desk with a bullet in his head, and she held my hand and told me that it would be okay. I believed her. I felt insane because I had just lost him and he was my dad. I was his little girl. I felt insane because she told me it would be okay and I can remember looking into her eyes and knowing it would."

Maya doesn't talk much about her dad so when she does you tend to just let her speak.

"He was really great, y'know. He was really fun. We did pretty much everything together. It was me and him until Will rolled along, and then it was me, him, and Will. We were inseparable. Well... until he was gone. And it used to tear me apart because Will has been heartbroken about it his entire life. With my dad gone and my mom gone now, he didn't even get to enjoy the days he was around. He doesn't remember them. I sometimes have trouble remembering them. I was so scared that he'd grow up absolutely miserable and he wouldn't smile or laugh or do anything he wanted, but all Riley had to do was look at me and tell me that he would be okay and I had no doubts he would."

You don't want to say much because you know that if you say the wrong thing she could shut down and you know you don't want her to. She's told you the circumstances of how he died and when she found him, but each time you hear it your heart stops for a second. She doesn't like talking about him or really Will in the negative sense that much. It's almost like she's dancing around it to avoid jinxing it. Her eyes meet yours and her lips are molding into a grin from the pursed look they'd taken on which sends a rush of relief through your body. "You make me feel insane like that. You grab my hand and you tell me that things will be great and I believe you." You start to smile widely and it makes her teeth show in her own smile now. "My blind faith in you is going to be the end of me, Lucas Friar."